You remember that movie with the mice? An American Tail? Everytime I look up at the night sky, that silly song runs through my head. And I wonder about things. Ok, mostly I think about guys.
But still, I wonder….
Have I met him yet?
Does he remember me?
When will we meet?
Will I see him again?
Is he looking up at the same sky I am?
Who is he and when will I know?
How long do I have to wait?
I mostly try not to think too much on the last one.
I do a lot of thinking in the car. I also do a lot of praying while I’m driving. Deep thoughts and contemplation. And today I was thinking about this past year. And thinking about the coming new year.
We really don’t need to rehash the bad things about the year. Because, for one thing, no point in talking about it, and secondly, I’ve already talked about it a little bit here on my blog. And third, it’ll just bring down the hopeful vibe I’m feeling this New Year’s. (You might notice that this is a slightly more cheerful post than the last one. Things are better, but there should still be a girls’ night sometime in January. But this post has only a little to do with the last.)
I’m moving at the end of January. Again. This time I’m moving in with my sister and her family. And I’ll spend time at my parents’ house, too. And I’m excited about being with my sister’s family. Spending more time with her kids. (Not having to pay rent is pretty awesome, too.)
But I really don’t want to move. Well, I don’t mind the idea of moving, but I was really hoping that the next time I moved I would be moving into my own place.
So my Hopes and Dreams for 2010:
Get a job I like. (Very, VERY important)
Get my own place.
Complete the quilting projects I’ve started.
Save money.
Be able to look up at the moon next New Year’s Eve, holding someone’s hand.
So these are more of a list of goals, but I’m not using the words ‘goal’ and ‘resolution’. I don’t want to be too ambitious about things, so we’ll keep it a short and managable list. Well, I do have other things to accomplish, but let’s not get too personal.
But, the point is, it’s going to be a good year. And I can’t wait to see what comes.
Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
video montage needed
So you know how we all sometimes wish that we had a soundtrack for our lives? Sometimes when I drive with the window down and the radio turned up, I wish I was in a music video. You know, one of those videos that has a real story. And I was just wishing that today could just be the middle of a quick montage, and I could skip ahead to the (happy) ending.
Today's story would be a girl trying to get over a boy and just dealing with things. Like one of what's-her-name Kelly Clarkson's videos. Girl empowerment and girl nights and all that.
So I think a girl night needs to happen. Soon.
Today's story would be a girl trying to get over a boy and just dealing with things. Like one of what's-her-name Kelly Clarkson's videos. Girl empowerment and girl nights and all that.
So I think a girl night needs to happen. Soon.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Miracles
Today's Relief Society lesson was all about miracles. Shelly, our Relief Society president as well as today's teacher, decided that it was going to be a lesson combined with music, to add to the Spirit and the testimony. And the Young Women joined us for the day, so Adria of the YW presidency helped put together the lesson.
I have heard of the musical program Woman at the Well, but had never heard the music. Shelly and Adria picked three songs from the program. Shelly told the story, we read the scriptures, and then the song was sung. The first was the story of the woman who was healed of her illness just by touched the garment of Jesus. The second was about the 12-year-old daughter of a leader of the synagogue who had just died and then Christ raises her. The last was the story of Lazarus, who died, and was raised after four days. It was a very good lesson. After all the singing, Shelly gave examples of modern miracles, and talked about daily miracles. And then the comments of the sisters in the room about the little miracles that are so important to building up your testimony of the Gospel.
I had been asked to sing the third song, a duet voicing the thoughts and feelings of Mary and Martha, the sisters of Lazarus. The first time I heard the song, I got a little weepy. When I tried to sing along with the recording I had, I had troubles getting through the song without getting choked up. Eventually I got to the point that I was able to get through without a problem. I didn't even think that I was going to have a problem with the song and my emotions.
Well. Our regular pianist wasn't at church today, so I sat down to play prelude and so got to play the opening and closing songs for the meeting. I started to cry as soon as I started to play the opening song, How Great Thou Art. Which is just one of my most favorite hymns. And one that can always make me cry. It's not a good sign if I start crying that early in a meeting. But I still didn't think that I'd have that big of a problem. Once the lesson started, I moved across the room from my belongings, not even remembering to bring my tissues with me.
Shelly started the first story, the woman with the issue of blood, that only wanted to touch the hem of Jesus' garment. Then came the song. And I start to cry. At this point, it's too late. The only way for me to stop crying is to completely ignore the song, or leave the room. I didn't want to do either, so I'm stuck with being an emotional mess.
But since the feelings I had were so sweet and filled me with peace and gratitude, I don't really mind the tears. (However, it would have been better for me to remember my tissues. Luckily, my duet partner had some extra.)
It really is amazing all the wonderful things my Father has given me. The miracle of living on this earth, at this time, having the Gospel, having my family so close, having the blessings of the Church. Knowing about the temple, and being able to go is a miracle and blessing. Waking every day is a great blessing and miracle. Finding my roommate was a great miracle. Getting our couch was a wonderful little miracle.
When it came time for me to sing, I had been steadily sniffing back tears for 20 minutes. And when I stood up to sing, all the room could tell that I had been crying and was on the verge of tears again. I told them it was a good thing the words had been printed up for them, so that if I was incoherent, or stopped singing altogether, they would know what it was supposed to have been. I manage to get through this song, even getting through the part that had tripped me up in the first place. But the last few lines. "Somehow He knew when to be here. / Son of God, / He is always here." I couldn't actually finish the last note for crying. (I'm even starting to cry as I type this.) My only consolation is that I made some of the other sisters in the room cry.
But the whole experience made me so grateful for so many things. For a family that loves and supports me. For a ward family that loves me and prays for me. For friends that still are my friends, even though I make fun of them, or have a laugh at their expense. I'm grateful that my friends stayed around long enough to know that past the cynical and mean exterior, I'm worth getting to know.
I was giving a sister from church a ride home and she told me that I can't hide the fact that I have a soft heart. Which made me laugh, because sometimes I'd rather be seen as mean and cynical, but sometimes no one else sees me that way. (At least among the sisters of my ward, who only see me on Sunday, and who see just the soft-hearted side.)
Anyways, I guess I just wanted to share that I do have a testimony of the Gospel. And that I do know that I am very blessed and lucky. And that miracles are around us, everywhere and everyday.
I have heard of the musical program Woman at the Well, but had never heard the music. Shelly and Adria picked three songs from the program. Shelly told the story, we read the scriptures, and then the song was sung. The first was the story of the woman who was healed of her illness just by touched the garment of Jesus. The second was about the 12-year-old daughter of a leader of the synagogue who had just died and then Christ raises her. The last was the story of Lazarus, who died, and was raised after four days. It was a very good lesson. After all the singing, Shelly gave examples of modern miracles, and talked about daily miracles. And then the comments of the sisters in the room about the little miracles that are so important to building up your testimony of the Gospel.
I had been asked to sing the third song, a duet voicing the thoughts and feelings of Mary and Martha, the sisters of Lazarus. The first time I heard the song, I got a little weepy. When I tried to sing along with the recording I had, I had troubles getting through the song without getting choked up. Eventually I got to the point that I was able to get through without a problem. I didn't even think that I was going to have a problem with the song and my emotions.
Well. Our regular pianist wasn't at church today, so I sat down to play prelude and so got to play the opening and closing songs for the meeting. I started to cry as soon as I started to play the opening song, How Great Thou Art. Which is just one of my most favorite hymns. And one that can always make me cry. It's not a good sign if I start crying that early in a meeting. But I still didn't think that I'd have that big of a problem. Once the lesson started, I moved across the room from my belongings, not even remembering to bring my tissues with me.
Shelly started the first story, the woman with the issue of blood, that only wanted to touch the hem of Jesus' garment. Then came the song. And I start to cry. At this point, it's too late. The only way for me to stop crying is to completely ignore the song, or leave the room. I didn't want to do either, so I'm stuck with being an emotional mess.
But since the feelings I had were so sweet and filled me with peace and gratitude, I don't really mind the tears. (However, it would have been better for me to remember my tissues. Luckily, my duet partner had some extra.)
It really is amazing all the wonderful things my Father has given me. The miracle of living on this earth, at this time, having the Gospel, having my family so close, having the blessings of the Church. Knowing about the temple, and being able to go is a miracle and blessing. Waking every day is a great blessing and miracle. Finding my roommate was a great miracle. Getting our couch was a wonderful little miracle.
When it came time for me to sing, I had been steadily sniffing back tears for 20 minutes. And when I stood up to sing, all the room could tell that I had been crying and was on the verge of tears again. I told them it was a good thing the words had been printed up for them, so that if I was incoherent, or stopped singing altogether, they would know what it was supposed to have been. I manage to get through this song, even getting through the part that had tripped me up in the first place. But the last few lines. "Somehow He knew when to be here. / Son of God, / He is always here." I couldn't actually finish the last note for crying. (I'm even starting to cry as I type this.) My only consolation is that I made some of the other sisters in the room cry.
But the whole experience made me so grateful for so many things. For a family that loves and supports me. For a ward family that loves me and prays for me. For friends that still are my friends, even though I make fun of them, or have a laugh at their expense. I'm grateful that my friends stayed around long enough to know that past the cynical and mean exterior, I'm worth getting to know.
I was giving a sister from church a ride home and she told me that I can't hide the fact that I have a soft heart. Which made me laugh, because sometimes I'd rather be seen as mean and cynical, but sometimes no one else sees me that way. (At least among the sisters of my ward, who only see me on Sunday, and who see just the soft-hearted side.)
Anyways, I guess I just wanted to share that I do have a testimony of the Gospel. And that I do know that I am very blessed and lucky. And that miracles are around us, everywhere and everyday.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
a strange thing
So. A really weird thing that I figured out tonight. I've been going through my blogroll, reading the most recent posts of those on the roll. And a lot of the people on my list are members of my church, so there are a lot of reflections on general conference, and testimonies are shared about the gospel and the church and conference.
I feel awkward when they speak of personal and spiritual things, and when I read their testimonies about those personal and spiritual things.
I don't really know why. It's one thing to sit in a church meeting, when you expect to hear things like that. But to just stroll around the internet and read of spiritual things? It's weird. Maybe it's because I don't expect it. Maybe because when I was hanging out with friends, we didn't usually divurge and start talking about the Gospel and spiritual things. I guess that's a failing of me and the people I hung out with, and the types of conversations we could have.
When I go and read other people's blogs, it's a little like hanging out and telling stories and spending time with friends. I love getting glimpses of the personal lives of my friends. But it gives me pause when they talk about the religious stuff. (I don't mean to be flippant, or disrespectful of other people and what they write. That's not what this is about.) So maybe, with all the other things I want/need to work on, I need to remember that my friends do have testimonies, that they do have things in their lives that they feel strongly about.
Anyway. On a related note, I am really glad that I'm adult enough that I look forwards to General Conference and the spiritual high that it brings. And I am glad that I have friends who feel the same way. And I am very glad that I have friends who feel strongly enough about their experiences that they want to share it with everyone. Even if it makes me feel uncomfortable.
I feel awkward when they speak of personal and spiritual things, and when I read their testimonies about those personal and spiritual things.
I don't really know why. It's one thing to sit in a church meeting, when you expect to hear things like that. But to just stroll around the internet and read of spiritual things? It's weird. Maybe it's because I don't expect it. Maybe because when I was hanging out with friends, we didn't usually divurge and start talking about the Gospel and spiritual things. I guess that's a failing of me and the people I hung out with, and the types of conversations we could have.
When I go and read other people's blogs, it's a little like hanging out and telling stories and spending time with friends. I love getting glimpses of the personal lives of my friends. But it gives me pause when they talk about the religious stuff. (I don't mean to be flippant, or disrespectful of other people and what they write. That's not what this is about.) So maybe, with all the other things I want/need to work on, I need to remember that my friends do have testimonies, that they do have things in their lives that they feel strongly about.
Anyway. On a related note, I am really glad that I'm adult enough that I look forwards to General Conference and the spiritual high that it brings. And I am glad that I have friends who feel the same way. And I am very glad that I have friends who feel strongly enough about their experiences that they want to share it with everyone. Even if it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Monday, October 5, 2009
A realization and a renewal of resolve.
I have become so passive when it comes to my internet usage. It used to be that I would participate on message boards, do all sorts of things on facebook, and even write on my blog. Now I hardly even sign into anything. I only do to check email and my bank balances. I hardly even come here to check on my friends' blogs.
I've been passive in other things, too. Like church. I still go, I still show up to meetings, but I haven't really put in a lot of effort.
But General Conference has revitalized my soul. (And getting wireless internet in the apartment.) I have a renewed determination to do better in my calling. And I miss writing. Journal writing, whether online, in a word doc, or in a real notebook, clears my mind. I'm not much for introspection, because I don't always like who I am, or more accurately, who I've been recently. But conference held so many great messages for me. Not least of which was pointed reminders that I need to keep my life in order, and that I can't just take the easy way and coast. So I need to take the time to write, to study, to reflect. And take the time to share what I've learned. And now that we have wireless internet, I can borrow the laptop and take it into my roon, or to the table, and be able to be comfortable writing.
Mostly, I want to be a more spiritual person, and live up to the responsibilities that I have. With Stake Conference and then being out of town, and then General Conference, I haven't been to church in weeks. I feel really disconnected from my ward and my calling. I have a presidency meeting tomorrow and I'm hoping that I'll have a clear head and be able to participate fully and freely.
I can't wait until next month's Ensign comes out with all the conference talks. There were so many powerful things said. I'm just glad that I don't have to make the decision on which to choose for lessons. I would have a hard time narrowing it down.
I want to keep talking, but I don't really have anything else to say. Today's been a very different kind of day. It's been a really good weekend, and I did a pretty good job of keeping that kind of feeling going today. Hopefully I can keep this going through the rest of the week.
I've been passive in other things, too. Like church. I still go, I still show up to meetings, but I haven't really put in a lot of effort.
But General Conference has revitalized my soul. (And getting wireless internet in the apartment.) I have a renewed determination to do better in my calling. And I miss writing. Journal writing, whether online, in a word doc, or in a real notebook, clears my mind. I'm not much for introspection, because I don't always like who I am, or more accurately, who I've been recently. But conference held so many great messages for me. Not least of which was pointed reminders that I need to keep my life in order, and that I can't just take the easy way and coast. So I need to take the time to write, to study, to reflect. And take the time to share what I've learned. And now that we have wireless internet, I can borrow the laptop and take it into my roon, or to the table, and be able to be comfortable writing.
Mostly, I want to be a more spiritual person, and live up to the responsibilities that I have. With Stake Conference and then being out of town, and then General Conference, I haven't been to church in weeks. I feel really disconnected from my ward and my calling. I have a presidency meeting tomorrow and I'm hoping that I'll have a clear head and be able to participate fully and freely.
I can't wait until next month's Ensign comes out with all the conference talks. There were so many powerful things said. I'm just glad that I don't have to make the decision on which to choose for lessons. I would have a hard time narrowing it down.
I want to keep talking, but I don't really have anything else to say. Today's been a very different kind of day. It's been a really good weekend, and I did a pretty good job of keeping that kind of feeling going today. Hopefully I can keep this going through the rest of the week.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
reflections caused by relief society visits
I've gone on a lot of Relief Society visits this week. And it's really strange when I go visit someone, and then in conversation, realize that I know a lot of the same people, even if I don't remember ever meeting this woman whose living room I'm sitting in.
And then occasionally these women will decide that they don't want to be the only one talking, so they turn to us and ask us some of those same questions we ask them. Today one woman asked us where we were all from. The Relief Society president has lived here in Glendale all her life. She and the first counselor have lived in our ward so long and know so many stories of all these people that have lived here for so long. They start talking about the people they know, and their kids, and their grandkids. And I sit there and have no idea what's going on. Some of my friends have known each other almost all of their lives. If it weren't for the internet, I would have no contact with anyone that I knew in high school. (Not that I really talk to them all that much, but that's not the point.) And as for people I knew in grade school? There's no one I still talk to that I knew then.
I don't really know where I'm going with this. On one hand, I want my kids to have a long-term connection with the place they grew up, and have those deep roots in a community. But, on the other hand, I want them to experience different things and different places. To see different places, and go travel and meet different people.
Well, it doesn't matter at the moment, since I'm not dating and don't really have any prospects right now. I should just turn my attention to my calling and my family and not worry about something so nebulous as the future.
I'm glad that August is almost over though. I will be so glad when the temperature drops. And I am really looking forwards to October and the beginning of Fall Ball. I miss watching a baseball game outside. I miss weather, and rain, and wind in the trees. At least when fall ball starts, I'll get cool evenings and baseball that I can just sit back and enjoy, and not be so attached to the outcome.
And then occasionally these women will decide that they don't want to be the only one talking, so they turn to us and ask us some of those same questions we ask them. Today one woman asked us where we were all from. The Relief Society president has lived here in Glendale all her life. She and the first counselor have lived in our ward so long and know so many stories of all these people that have lived here for so long. They start talking about the people they know, and their kids, and their grandkids. And I sit there and have no idea what's going on. Some of my friends have known each other almost all of their lives. If it weren't for the internet, I would have no contact with anyone that I knew in high school. (Not that I really talk to them all that much, but that's not the point.) And as for people I knew in grade school? There's no one I still talk to that I knew then.
I don't really know where I'm going with this. On one hand, I want my kids to have a long-term connection with the place they grew up, and have those deep roots in a community. But, on the other hand, I want them to experience different things and different places. To see different places, and go travel and meet different people.
Well, it doesn't matter at the moment, since I'm not dating and don't really have any prospects right now. I should just turn my attention to my calling and my family and not worry about something so nebulous as the future.
I'm glad that August is almost over though. I will be so glad when the temperature drops. And I am really looking forwards to October and the beginning of Fall Ball. I miss watching a baseball game outside. I miss weather, and rain, and wind in the trees. At least when fall ball starts, I'll get cool evenings and baseball that I can just sit back and enjoy, and not be so attached to the outcome.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
A case of blahs. But I got better.
It's been a bit of an off week. It started well. I taught Relief Society last Sunday, which went really well. (You should really read this talk. Elder Uchtdorf, "We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down".) Then later that day I got my temple recommend renewed. And I spent three days at my sister's house playing with her kids. Took Angie out to dinner for her birthday, so we came home with really yummy leftovers. So really, it was a good week.
But for some reason, the blahs still struck late in the week. I stayed up late because I was bored and didn't want to go to sleep. Then, in the mornings, I didn't want to get out of bed. I watched random movies and shows and found myself getting weepy. Oh, and I was a little stressed over money, because things were a little tight, and I forgot to file my weekly unemployment claim on Sunday, so the payment was delayed by a day. That sure didn't help. And I haven't heard from the guy this week. Which contributed to the blahs. But really, I'm not surprised he didn't call. Disappointed, but not really surprised.
But today was a good day. Good lesson, good talks. Had a missionary farewell, and he did very well. (I know, I know, we're not supposed to call it that anymore, but really, what else am I supposed to call it?) I stressed over forgetting to get someone to play the piano in Relief Society, but I found someone quite happy to play, even with five minutes notice. (I did take the opportunity to ask her to play for the rest of the month. So I don't have to worry about it for another few weeks.) Then I went to the stake single adult committee meeting. That was a good meeting. Oddly, going to another meeting really helped my mood. But there we go.
Monday my niece starts kindergarten. It's exciting, but I can't believe it's already time for her to go. I'll have to call my sister tomorrow and see how she deals with her oldest starting school.
Anyways, today was a good day. And I decided that I'm going to have a better week. I actually went to the grocery store and bought food. (I haven't done that in a while.) Just knowing that there's food in my cupboards makes me happy. Play with kids, play my video game some more. Read next week's lesson. Study some. I think that's most of my problem, I don't read enough good books. So that's going to be a part of my better week.
And maybe I'll even try to write more often. I'm not guaranteeing anything, so don't hold me to it.
But for some reason, the blahs still struck late in the week. I stayed up late because I was bored and didn't want to go to sleep. Then, in the mornings, I didn't want to get out of bed. I watched random movies and shows and found myself getting weepy. Oh, and I was a little stressed over money, because things were a little tight, and I forgot to file my weekly unemployment claim on Sunday, so the payment was delayed by a day. That sure didn't help. And I haven't heard from the guy this week. Which contributed to the blahs. But really, I'm not surprised he didn't call. Disappointed, but not really surprised.
But today was a good day. Good lesson, good talks. Had a missionary farewell, and he did very well. (I know, I know, we're not supposed to call it that anymore, but really, what else am I supposed to call it?) I stressed over forgetting to get someone to play the piano in Relief Society, but I found someone quite happy to play, even with five minutes notice. (I did take the opportunity to ask her to play for the rest of the month. So I don't have to worry about it for another few weeks.) Then I went to the stake single adult committee meeting. That was a good meeting. Oddly, going to another meeting really helped my mood. But there we go.
Monday my niece starts kindergarten. It's exciting, but I can't believe it's already time for her to go. I'll have to call my sister tomorrow and see how she deals with her oldest starting school.
Anyways, today was a good day. And I decided that I'm going to have a better week. I actually went to the grocery store and bought food. (I haven't done that in a while.) Just knowing that there's food in my cupboards makes me happy. Play with kids, play my video game some more. Read next week's lesson. Study some. I think that's most of my problem, I don't read enough good books. So that's going to be a part of my better week.
And maybe I'll even try to write more often. I'm not guaranteeing anything, so don't hold me to it.
Monday, July 27, 2009
A brunch date
So I had another date with the guy. Well, it wasn't really a date. Even if he did pay. Whatever. Anyway. I called him this morning, he was just a mile or two away at his new house and asked if I wanted to go have breakfast. So we went to Mimi's and had a nice time. We had a good talk about baseball and his house and work and things. Very low-key.
I know that some of my friends have a little bit of concern about this. But when we went out last week, we said that we'd be friends, hang out, and just have fun. And today was just that. No hugs, no kisses, just hanging out and talking. And then when we talked about the next time, it was the same thing. We'll see what comes up and have no set plans. There're vague plans to go to a ballgame, I offered to help him move, but really, nothing definite. This is totally different than last year, so I have no idea or expectations of what will happen.
I know that some of my friends have a little bit of concern about this. But when we went out last week, we said that we'd be friends, hang out, and just have fun. And today was just that. No hugs, no kisses, just hanging out and talking. And then when we talked about the next time, it was the same thing. We'll see what comes up and have no set plans. There're vague plans to go to a ballgame, I offered to help him move, but really, nothing definite. This is totally different than last year, so I have no idea or expectations of what will happen.
Friday, July 24, 2009
The Date
So I realized last night that it's been just over a year since I'd seen this guy. I'll have to remember to point it out to him. He's the one who sees portents all over the place. But that's just kinda funny, that a year after I last see him, he finds my number and we go out again.
Anyways, he picked me up, we went to see a movie, took a drive, had a late dinner, and then he took me home. We saw Star Trek, which I hadn't seen, and I completely loved. We drove past the house he's buying, which is only a couple miles away from my apartment. We talked a lot, several times about how weird it was that we were out on a date again.
I think we finally established that we'll go out again, and it's just hanging out and having fun. Of course, he said something similar last year about seeing where this might all go, but then a week later it was basically over. His daughters come back in about 2 weeks, so we'll find out then if this goes on after that.
So it was interesting, and fun, and I will go out with him again, but I'm going to be a great deal more cautious about what I let happen. I really don't want to go through what I went through last year.
Anyways, he picked me up, we went to see a movie, took a drive, had a late dinner, and then he took me home. We saw Star Trek, which I hadn't seen, and I completely loved. We drove past the house he's buying, which is only a couple miles away from my apartment. We talked a lot, several times about how weird it was that we were out on a date again.
I think we finally established that we'll go out again, and it's just hanging out and having fun. Of course, he said something similar last year about seeing where this might all go, but then a week later it was basically over. His daughters come back in about 2 weeks, so we'll find out then if this goes on after that.
So it was interesting, and fun, and I will go out with him again, but I'm going to be a great deal more cautious about what I let happen. I really don't want to go through what I went through last year.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
I'm a little bit confused.
And I don't know what to think right now.
Last summer I was dating a guy who I really liked. Only he was Catholic and I'm Mormon. (Just a little detail, right?) I thought things were going really well. But at the end of the summer, he seemed to back off some. I don't really remember exactly what he said, but the end result was that the religious difference was too much to deal with, so we shouldn't date. And then there was some sort of comment that if we were meant to be together that somehow, someway, God and life would just happen that we meet again.
I think that's the most annoying thing to hear. "If we're meant to be, then we'll be together later." Well, what if this was our only chance, and you won't get another, and you're tossing it away?
I am a firm believer of the reality of God leading my life, if I let Him. I fully believe that He can guide things so that they work out according to His plan and what's best for me. But, I also believe that you should make the most of your opportunities when they're in front of you and not wait for another chance.
Anyway, I didn't figure I'd ever hear from this guy again. So when my phone rings this afternoon and his name is on the display, I am completely shocked. I just stared at my phone for a moment or two. He wants to go to a movie and catch up and everything.
Of course I want to see him. A month ago I was thinking about him and even got so far as to try to look up his address to send him a card or something. Then I thought better of it. And really, he was the one who wanted to put everything up to chance, or luck, or God's will, or the universe, or whatever you want to call it. If he wanted to see me, he would figure out how to contact me.
So he found my phone number and called. So I guess we're seeing a movie. I have to call him in a bit to tell him about the movies and times.
I don't know what to think. I don't know what he wants. But I do know that I have to go home and change my shirt and try to play with my hair, because I am not going out looking like I'm on my way to a baseball game.
Last summer I was dating a guy who I really liked. Only he was Catholic and I'm Mormon. (Just a little detail, right?) I thought things were going really well. But at the end of the summer, he seemed to back off some. I don't really remember exactly what he said, but the end result was that the religious difference was too much to deal with, so we shouldn't date. And then there was some sort of comment that if we were meant to be together that somehow, someway, God and life would just happen that we meet again.
I think that's the most annoying thing to hear. "If we're meant to be, then we'll be together later." Well, what if this was our only chance, and you won't get another, and you're tossing it away?
I am a firm believer of the reality of God leading my life, if I let Him. I fully believe that He can guide things so that they work out according to His plan and what's best for me. But, I also believe that you should make the most of your opportunities when they're in front of you and not wait for another chance.
Anyway, I didn't figure I'd ever hear from this guy again. So when my phone rings this afternoon and his name is on the display, I am completely shocked. I just stared at my phone for a moment or two. He wants to go to a movie and catch up and everything.
Of course I want to see him. A month ago I was thinking about him and even got so far as to try to look up his address to send him a card or something. Then I thought better of it. And really, he was the one who wanted to put everything up to chance, or luck, or God's will, or the universe, or whatever you want to call it. If he wanted to see me, he would figure out how to contact me.
So he found my phone number and called. So I guess we're seeing a movie. I have to call him in a bit to tell him about the movies and times.
I don't know what to think. I don't know what he wants. But I do know that I have to go home and change my shirt and try to play with my hair, because I am not going out looking like I'm on my way to a baseball game.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A good week. So far.
Some fun things happened this week.
I found a new friend. Well, she's rather making me be her friend. But it's been a while since I've had a new friend, so why not? And, new friend cuts hair, so I finally got my hair cut. It's short and bouncy again.
Today my roommate and I took my niece to the baseball game. That is some good fun times. Even if she insists on playing at the playgrounds for most of the game. But she got to hug Baxter, and be on the big screen.
The Diamondbacks have won five in a row, and have finally swept a series. It's been more than a year since they won five, and the first series sweep of the year. Hopefully this is a sign of good things to come. Or at least an end of last place.
As a counselor in the Relief Society, part of my responsibilities is to go on visits to the sisters of the ward. As the unmarried counselor, I took our ward's SA rep on visits tonight. Tonight was really the first time I felt like I really knew what I was doing as a representative of the Relief Society, of the ward, and of Heavenly Father. I'd had little glimpses of that in the last few weeks of visits. But tonight was different. We visited two sisters, both divorced, one with 2 girls and the other with 1 boy. And in conversation with the first, the topic turns to marriage and everything. (What else is going to come up when you have 3 single women sitting and chatting? Things like how I'm getting a Stripling Warrior and all that.) And all of a sudden, I'm talking and saying stuff that I've said before, but never to this sister. And I look over and she's leaning forwards and is intent on my words, and I realize that she needed to hear what I had to say. That my calm acceptance of this life is because of the great hope and trust of what the next life holds. And trust in the Plan and Mercy of God. It was a rather awesome moment.
So, yeah, a good week so far. I have an interesting day ahead tomorrow. And more baseball, too. So things are good, and I'm thinking more cheerful thoughts.
See, I told you my next post would be happier! Have a happy rest of the week!
I found a new friend. Well, she's rather making me be her friend. But it's been a while since I've had a new friend, so why not? And, new friend cuts hair, so I finally got my hair cut. It's short and bouncy again.
Today my roommate and I took my niece to the baseball game. That is some good fun times. Even if she insists on playing at the playgrounds for most of the game. But she got to hug Baxter, and be on the big screen.
The Diamondbacks have won five in a row, and have finally swept a series. It's been more than a year since they won five, and the first series sweep of the year. Hopefully this is a sign of good things to come. Or at least an end of last place.
As a counselor in the Relief Society, part of my responsibilities is to go on visits to the sisters of the ward. As the unmarried counselor, I took our ward's SA rep on visits tonight. Tonight was really the first time I felt like I really knew what I was doing as a representative of the Relief Society, of the ward, and of Heavenly Father. I'd had little glimpses of that in the last few weeks of visits. But tonight was different. We visited two sisters, both divorced, one with 2 girls and the other with 1 boy. And in conversation with the first, the topic turns to marriage and everything. (What else is going to come up when you have 3 single women sitting and chatting? Things like how I'm getting a Stripling Warrior and all that.) And all of a sudden, I'm talking and saying stuff that I've said before, but never to this sister. And I look over and she's leaning forwards and is intent on my words, and I realize that she needed to hear what I had to say. That my calm acceptance of this life is because of the great hope and trust of what the next life holds. And trust in the Plan and Mercy of God. It was a rather awesome moment.
So, yeah, a good week so far. I have an interesting day ahead tomorrow. And more baseball, too. So things are good, and I'm thinking more cheerful thoughts.
See, I told you my next post would be happier! Have a happy rest of the week!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Ponderings and Musings - Updated
Regrets and memories are funny things.
Some events I wish I could go back and change. Some things I wish I could undo. Foolishness or carelessness, little things and big things. Usually I wish I could just erase the memory, because it's irritating to dwell on something that I can't change. I dislike thinking of things that make me feel foolish.
Some memories I pull out and look over often. I'll linger over them, replay them, and often try to rearrange things.
Some of those memories I linger over also have regrets attached to them. And I'm quite sure that I'm not the only one to ever do that, look back and regret and wish.
But the strangest thing about my regrets? Sometimes I wish I had more of them.
If I can't go back and undo a mistake, I wish I had made more of them.
As those mistakes shaped who I am now, would one or two more make a difference?
Part of me wants to tell you the mistakes I'm thinking of, but there would be no real point in it. Why should I drag you into those memories of mistakes, which could only be weird and uncomfortable for you. And if those mistakes have been fixed or smoothed over or gotten over, why should I bring them up?
I don't really fall into this mindset very often, and it annoys me when I do. But I wondered. Do any of you wish that you had made more mistakes, made different wrong choices? You don't have to tell me what they are, but it would be nice to know that I'm not the only one who does this.
(I know this is kind of a downer of a post. Next time I'll try to talk about more positive things.)
UPDATED: Since I don't know who all reads the comments, I wanted to make sure this showed up. Kristi commented and said the following: "I wish I had taken more opportunities that could have turned into regrets. I wish I had done more when I was younger. Taken more chances." That's such a better way of looking at all this. And it put me thinking in a different direction, which is always good.
Some events I wish I could go back and change. Some things I wish I could undo. Foolishness or carelessness, little things and big things. Usually I wish I could just erase the memory, because it's irritating to dwell on something that I can't change. I dislike thinking of things that make me feel foolish.
Some memories I pull out and look over often. I'll linger over them, replay them, and often try to rearrange things.
Some of those memories I linger over also have regrets attached to them. And I'm quite sure that I'm not the only one to ever do that, look back and regret and wish.
But the strangest thing about my regrets? Sometimes I wish I had more of them.
If I can't go back and undo a mistake, I wish I had made more of them.
As those mistakes shaped who I am now, would one or two more make a difference?
Part of me wants to tell you the mistakes I'm thinking of, but there would be no real point in it. Why should I drag you into those memories of mistakes, which could only be weird and uncomfortable for you. And if those mistakes have been fixed or smoothed over or gotten over, why should I bring them up?
I don't really fall into this mindset very often, and it annoys me when I do. But I wondered. Do any of you wish that you had made more mistakes, made different wrong choices? You don't have to tell me what they are, but it would be nice to know that I'm not the only one who does this.
(I know this is kind of a downer of a post. Next time I'll try to talk about more positive things.)
UPDATED: Since I don't know who all reads the comments, I wanted to make sure this showed up. Kristi commented and said the following: "I wish I had taken more opportunities that could have turned into regrets. I wish I had done more when I was younger. Taken more chances." That's such a better way of looking at all this. And it put me thinking in a different direction, which is always good.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I dunno
Ok, so I'm unemployed. I've really been enjoying this time off. I've even been productive, most days. Some days. Whatever.
My dad wants me to send him my resume so he can submit it to whoever for a job opening. So I go and take a look at it. (Honestly, I had to go write it.) And I just don't want to. I just don't want to go back to work. More importantly, I do not want to go back into an office. I haven't figured out what I want to do, and I need to get on that. But the idea of going back into an office and sitting at a desk all day makes me want to cry.
I just don't know what I'm going to do about it. Well, I better finish the resume and send it off and just see what happens.
My dad wants me to send him my resume so he can submit it to whoever for a job opening. So I go and take a look at it. (Honestly, I had to go write it.) And I just don't want to. I just don't want to go back to work. More importantly, I do not want to go back into an office. I haven't figured out what I want to do, and I need to get on that. But the idea of going back into an office and sitting at a desk all day makes me want to cry.
I just don't know what I'm going to do about it. Well, I better finish the resume and send it off and just see what happens.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Good times, baseball, circling thoughts, and a new plan.
It was a nice day. Yesterday was good, too. But my brain keeps circling around things I don't want to think about.
Yesterday I was not needed by my brother-in-law, so I spent my afternoon playing with his kids. (By the way, my bro-in-law is in school to be a dental hygenist, and needs patients. If you can spare $25 and 3 or 4 visits at 4 hours each during the week, you're promised a very clean set of teeth. Oh, and he needs a special needs patient, and pregnant women fall into that category. So if any of you pregnant friends can go, that would be great.)
So playing with my nieces and nephew. They are such great kids. I have such fun when I go and play with them. One of these days I'll post a picture of them. Sister took a nap when her two youngest do while I play video games with the oldest. Then we all pile into my little car to go to dinner. Bath time and then bed time. Scriptures and stories. Good times. (My sister is such a good Mom. I hope I can be like her.)
And the weather has been just fantastic lately. Tonight was another baseball game. Great game, lots of hits, lots of runs. Two wins in a row. And fireworks too!
But as I was driving home, my good mood wandered away. I start thinking about guys and wondering about guys I've dated, wondering how they are and stuff. Which is a pointless exercise. But it's been bothering me the last week or so. I'm not quite sure why. Prolly just my complete lack of a dating life at the moment. But as I'm driving home, I just want to go faster and faster, as if I could possibly outrun my thoughts.
Well, I just need to think about other things. I have my calling to occupy me. I need to study lessons and handbooks, and get my focus on something else. So that's the plan. Play with kids and study scripture. Stay busy. That should work. It will work. I'll let you know.
Yesterday I was not needed by my brother-in-law, so I spent my afternoon playing with his kids. (By the way, my bro-in-law is in school to be a dental hygenist, and needs patients. If you can spare $25 and 3 or 4 visits at 4 hours each during the week, you're promised a very clean set of teeth. Oh, and he needs a special needs patient, and pregnant women fall into that category. So if any of you pregnant friends can go, that would be great.)
So playing with my nieces and nephew. They are such great kids. I have such fun when I go and play with them. One of these days I'll post a picture of them. Sister took a nap when her two youngest do while I play video games with the oldest. Then we all pile into my little car to go to dinner. Bath time and then bed time. Scriptures and stories. Good times. (My sister is such a good Mom. I hope I can be like her.)
And the weather has been just fantastic lately. Tonight was another baseball game. Great game, lots of hits, lots of runs. Two wins in a row. And fireworks too!
But as I was driving home, my good mood wandered away. I start thinking about guys and wondering about guys I've dated, wondering how they are and stuff. Which is a pointless exercise. But it's been bothering me the last week or so. I'm not quite sure why. Prolly just my complete lack of a dating life at the moment. But as I'm driving home, I just want to go faster and faster, as if I could possibly outrun my thoughts.
Well, I just need to think about other things. I have my calling to occupy me. I need to study lessons and handbooks, and get my focus on something else. So that's the plan. Play with kids and study scripture. Stay busy. That should work. It will work. I'll let you know.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Hey, I have readers! And then I talk of baseball.
Hey look at that! I have readers. And hey, look at me, posting two days in a row! Well technically twice in one day. Whatever. Twice in one month. There, I can be happy with that.
Anyways, I was going to respond in the comments, but then I changed my mind. I know I keep my eye on the comments if I leave one, but I don't know if anyone else does.
Whatever. Do I have a point today? I don't know. I'll try to find one.
Kristi, you wanted to hear about boys. There really isn't anything to tell. At least there are no current boys to talk about. So if I talk about guys, and there's nothing in the present, I have only the past to bring up. And really, who wants to go there?
So I'm watching the baseball game as I write this. It's been a rough season so far. Anyone want to go to some games? Don't get me wrong, I still love to go. I still cheer, I still have hope that they can win. It's just easier when different people come. Wouldn't that be a great way for us all to catch up? I can turn in tickets and get a bunch of tickets together for one game. Anyone interested in that? That would be so fun! Yes, lets do this! Let me know if you want to do that. They're in town this week, 9-14, and again 23-28. Or I can tell you about July and August.
My parents are getting burned out on going to nearly every game. Soon they'll cut back to Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays. So I'm going to need some company.
Every game has so much potential. After all, in every game you have a chance to see something you've never seen before. No matter what happened the day before, every time I walk into the ballpark, I know they can win. Whether they do or not doesn't matter. But they have an opportunity every day to win and to do better than the day before. And we have that same chance. Every day we have a chance to do better than we did the day before.
Look at that. A ramble turning to baseball, and then finding life lessons out of baseball. Good times.
One more time: if you want to go to a game, or get a group together, I would be more than happy to arrange it. It's so much fun going as a group.
Game over. A sad loss. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, another chance.
Anyways, I was going to respond in the comments, but then I changed my mind. I know I keep my eye on the comments if I leave one, but I don't know if anyone else does.
Whatever. Do I have a point today? I don't know. I'll try to find one.
Kristi, you wanted to hear about boys. There really isn't anything to tell. At least there are no current boys to talk about. So if I talk about guys, and there's nothing in the present, I have only the past to bring up. And really, who wants to go there?
So I'm watching the baseball game as I write this. It's been a rough season so far. Anyone want to go to some games? Don't get me wrong, I still love to go. I still cheer, I still have hope that they can win. It's just easier when different people come. Wouldn't that be a great way for us all to catch up? I can turn in tickets and get a bunch of tickets together for one game. Anyone interested in that? That would be so fun! Yes, lets do this! Let me know if you want to do that. They're in town this week, 9-14, and again 23-28. Or I can tell you about July and August.
My parents are getting burned out on going to nearly every game. Soon they'll cut back to Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays. So I'm going to need some company.
Every game has so much potential. After all, in every game you have a chance to see something you've never seen before. No matter what happened the day before, every time I walk into the ballpark, I know they can win. Whether they do or not doesn't matter. But they have an opportunity every day to win and to do better than the day before. And we have that same chance. Every day we have a chance to do better than we did the day before.
Look at that. A ramble turning to baseball, and then finding life lessons out of baseball. Good times.
One more time: if you want to go to a game, or get a group together, I would be more than happy to arrange it. It's so much fun going as a group.
Game over. A sad loss. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, another chance.
Some random things to make up for not posting in two months.
So it's June already. Still unemployed. But I'm happier about it. After all, now I get regular payments. Things aren't so bad.
Got a new calling. First counselor in the Relief Society presidency. Which is weird, being a single 30-something in a family ward. But it's going well so far. People keep asking me if I'm overwhelmed or nervous or whatever. It's strange, but I don't worry about the teaching or the responsibilities. I worry about having to get to know all the sisters, learn their names, and learn to love them. I don't like meeting new people. I don't like the pressure of learning names and faces and histories. I'll be going visiting this week. The first time as a member of the presidency. I'm sure I'll be fine.
My parents were away this weekend. That means I'm pet-sitting for them. I don't sleep well here anymore. Well, and having to keep my bedroom door open means one of the cats joins me on the bed. Which wakes me up. And having to sleep in a bed that's not my own and is too small and has a mattress that is not right for me. Last night I slept on the couch. It was a much better sleep, even if I did still wake up the same number of times in the night. I'll be sleeping on the couch again. I was about to try to sleep when I remembered that I forgot to file my unemployment for the week. Can't forget that. Then I decided that I needed to get some of these thoughts out of my brain.
There's some other things. But I think I'll save them for later. Just about guys and postsecret and random musings. Maybe by the next time I get online I'll not need to talk about it. Or maybe I'll surprise you and actually have more to say.
Oh! I bought a new dresser a couple weeks ago. From IKEA. I love that place. And I love my dresser. I put it together while watching the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice. It took the entire length of the movie to finish it. But it's so pretty. I had to completely rearrange the boxes stacked around my room to empty the space for it.
Ok, tired now. Going to go to bed. If I don't see you again, have a great June.
(Wait, now that I think about it, I'll be more motivated to post again if I know that I have readers. Post a comment, let me know you noticed that I'm still around. Thanks.)
Got a new calling. First counselor in the Relief Society presidency. Which is weird, being a single 30-something in a family ward. But it's going well so far. People keep asking me if I'm overwhelmed or nervous or whatever. It's strange, but I don't worry about the teaching or the responsibilities. I worry about having to get to know all the sisters, learn their names, and learn to love them. I don't like meeting new people. I don't like the pressure of learning names and faces and histories. I'll be going visiting this week. The first time as a member of the presidency. I'm sure I'll be fine.
My parents were away this weekend. That means I'm pet-sitting for them. I don't sleep well here anymore. Well, and having to keep my bedroom door open means one of the cats joins me on the bed. Which wakes me up. And having to sleep in a bed that's not my own and is too small and has a mattress that is not right for me. Last night I slept on the couch. It was a much better sleep, even if I did still wake up the same number of times in the night. I'll be sleeping on the couch again. I was about to try to sleep when I remembered that I forgot to file my unemployment for the week. Can't forget that. Then I decided that I needed to get some of these thoughts out of my brain.
There's some other things. But I think I'll save them for later. Just about guys and postsecret and random musings. Maybe by the next time I get online I'll not need to talk about it. Or maybe I'll surprise you and actually have more to say.
Oh! I bought a new dresser a couple weeks ago. From IKEA. I love that place. And I love my dresser. I put it together while watching the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice. It took the entire length of the movie to finish it. But it's so pretty. I had to completely rearrange the boxes stacked around my room to empty the space for it.
Ok, tired now. Going to go to bed. If I don't see you again, have a great June.
(Wait, now that I think about it, I'll be more motivated to post again if I know that I have readers. Post a comment, let me know you noticed that I'm still around. Thanks.)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
A short(ish) complaint.
I am so tired of unemployment. I am still enjoying doing nothing, but I really hate the lack of income. And the unemployment system is overburdened, so much so that I've been trying to talk to a person for a week and all I get are recorded voices telling me that their volume is so high that they cannot help me and I should hang up and call later. Then when I finally get through this afternoon, I have to sit through 4 minutes of recording to find out that the system is having problems and I should hang up and call later. And to top it all, my cell phone can't ever get through to the help line. So I have to go to my parents' house to use their phone. I'm just going to have to go to one of the offices to actually talk to someone.
I miss having the internet at home. And being able to be online all day at my former job. Every time I hang out at the parents I just goof off, I can't seem to get anything productive done. I got really discouraged this afternoon. Most of it is annoyance at myself and my lack of motivation.
Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. I'll go to the unemployment office and hopefully take care of the problem. Then I can turn my attention to other things.
I don't really complain to anyone about this. I really don't like to talk about it. But I'm tired of having this worry taking over my thoughts.
Whatever. I still know that everything will work out. Somehow. Even if I have to move in with my parents (which no one wants to see happen), I'll be able to get along. But I'm going to have to work harder to do whatever I can to get things smoother. So, I will.
And next time I'll have something more cheerful to say.
I miss having the internet at home. And being able to be online all day at my former job. Every time I hang out at the parents I just goof off, I can't seem to get anything productive done. I got really discouraged this afternoon. Most of it is annoyance at myself and my lack of motivation.
Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. I'll go to the unemployment office and hopefully take care of the problem. Then I can turn my attention to other things.
I don't really complain to anyone about this. I really don't like to talk about it. But I'm tired of having this worry taking over my thoughts.
Whatever. I still know that everything will work out. Somehow. Even if I have to move in with my parents (which no one wants to see happen), I'll be able to get along. But I'm going to have to work harder to do whatever I can to get things smoother. So, I will.
And next time I'll have something more cheerful to say.
Monday, March 23, 2009
A new path
I was laid off from my job last week. Now before you give me all the consoling comments, please be aware that I am so very happy about this. I had been at this job for nearly 5 years. I haven't really been happy there for quite a while. A month or so before Christmas, my hours were cut from 40 to 27.5 a week. And I know that several times over the last few months, there have been concerns on whether or not I'd get paid. Finally, just over a week ago, I got an email saying that not only would payroll be late, that my hours would get cut even further. Down to 16.5. I was fully prepared to have to talk my boss into laying me off, but he made that decision before I had to talk to him about it.
I cannot explain how happy I was to leave that place. To clean out my desk, to lock the doors and the gate for the last time. I don't ever have to go back there. It is the best feeling.
I spent two days last week playing with my younger sister's kids. I'm going to be babysitting them tomorrow. I went to a baseball game on Friday, and now I can go to a few more games in the next couple weeks. Maybe I'll go to Mesa and spend some time in the temple this week before it closes for two. I have boxes to go through. I could finish hanging my pictures in my apartment. I know I'm going to spend time playing video games and I know that I'll be visiting my parents' house to be able to get online. I can go to the gym more often and for longer.
I am so happy.
Granted I might get bored soon, but I am going to enjoy doing nothing for a little while.
I will be looking for a job, but I really need to figure out what I want to do. That's why the title of the post. I need a new direction, a new path in my professional life. I wouldn't mind going back to retail, but I have really enjoyed not working nights or weekends. I could go back into an office, sit at a desk all day. But I have to like what I'm doing, or at least like who I'm working with. I'll have to think about it.
But that will be next week. This week I'm going to relax and enjoy myself.
I cannot explain how happy I was to leave that place. To clean out my desk, to lock the doors and the gate for the last time. I don't ever have to go back there. It is the best feeling.
I spent two days last week playing with my younger sister's kids. I'm going to be babysitting them tomorrow. I went to a baseball game on Friday, and now I can go to a few more games in the next couple weeks. Maybe I'll go to Mesa and spend some time in the temple this week before it closes for two. I have boxes to go through. I could finish hanging my pictures in my apartment. I know I'm going to spend time playing video games and I know that I'll be visiting my parents' house to be able to get online. I can go to the gym more often and for longer.
I am so happy.
Granted I might get bored soon, but I am going to enjoy doing nothing for a little while.
I will be looking for a job, but I really need to figure out what I want to do. That's why the title of the post. I need a new direction, a new path in my professional life. I wouldn't mind going back to retail, but I have really enjoyed not working nights or weekends. I could go back into an office, sit at a desk all day. But I have to like what I'm doing, or at least like who I'm working with. I'll have to think about it.
But that will be next week. This week I'm going to relax and enjoy myself.
Monday, March 16, 2009
so tired
Yesterday was a very long day. I'm not used to being home so early in the afternoon yet. So at 3 in the afternoon, I think it's 5. The day just keeps going and going. That's not always a bad thing, but it wasn't a good thing yesterday.
I had a hard time settling on something to do. Food first. Then I took a book out onto the patio. (I love our patio. It's bigger and it faces south, so I can read until the sun goes down. And the recliner is oh so comfy!) So I read, and occasionally daydreamed.
I've realized what my biggest weakness is. (Well, one of the biggest. And the only one I'm going to share.) I don't really like looking ahead too far. In fact, I spend a lot of time looking backwards. I dwell on what was, on what could have been, or what I wish I did. And I can't change anything, so why am I looking back so much?
Anyway, after it got too dark to read on the porch I went inside. Then I amused my roommate by wandering around the room. I couldn't figure out what to do. But I would occasionally stop and stare out the window. And when I let my mind empty, I found that I would turn back to my contemplation of the past. And I didn't want to do that.
When I finally went to go to bed, I wasn't really that tired. So I read some more. Then I fiddled with the topics and hymns for the next couple of months at church. Then I finally lay down and try to doze off. I found that I started thinking about the guy I had dated last summer. I haven't thought about him much lately. I haven't really wanted to. But somehow my mind kept replaying the last time I saw him. Things he said, things I said, the way he acted. I think I finally figured out why it ended.
I finally turn off the light at about 2am. Then it seems I can't fall asleep. Then there's strange dreams. Then I wake up at 6am, starving. A piece of bread later, I still can't sleep. I've been awake since. But at least the workday is almost over. I can leave soon, go to the store, and lie down. (Lay down? I'm not sure which one.)
Geeze! So many words for a simple problem. Stayed up too late. Restless sleep. Weird dreams. A too early awakening. Hungry.
And I'm zoning out in front of the computer. Oh well, at least I have tomorrow off. I think I'm going to a baseball game. Baseball makes everything better.
.
I had a hard time settling on something to do. Food first. Then I took a book out onto the patio. (I love our patio. It's bigger and it faces south, so I can read until the sun goes down. And the recliner is oh so comfy!) So I read, and occasionally daydreamed.
I've realized what my biggest weakness is. (Well, one of the biggest. And the only one I'm going to share.) I don't really like looking ahead too far. In fact, I spend a lot of time looking backwards. I dwell on what was, on what could have been, or what I wish I did. And I can't change anything, so why am I looking back so much?
Anyway, after it got too dark to read on the porch I went inside. Then I amused my roommate by wandering around the room. I couldn't figure out what to do. But I would occasionally stop and stare out the window. And when I let my mind empty, I found that I would turn back to my contemplation of the past. And I didn't want to do that.
When I finally went to go to bed, I wasn't really that tired. So I read some more. Then I fiddled with the topics and hymns for the next couple of months at church. Then I finally lay down and try to doze off. I found that I started thinking about the guy I had dated last summer. I haven't thought about him much lately. I haven't really wanted to. But somehow my mind kept replaying the last time I saw him. Things he said, things I said, the way he acted. I think I finally figured out why it ended.
I finally turn off the light at about 2am. Then it seems I can't fall asleep. Then there's strange dreams. Then I wake up at 6am, starving. A piece of bread later, I still can't sleep. I've been awake since. But at least the workday is almost over. I can leave soon, go to the store, and lie down. (Lay down? I'm not sure which one.)
Geeze! So many words for a simple problem. Stayed up too late. Restless sleep. Weird dreams. A too early awakening. Hungry.
And I'm zoning out in front of the computer. Oh well, at least I have tomorrow off. I think I'm going to a baseball game. Baseball makes everything better.
.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
My Couch
Apparently my couch has a longer and more involved story than I thought. Go and read about The Giving Couch.
Isn't that just awesome?
Isn't that just awesome?
Monday, March 9, 2009
Callings, music, and cookies
So I got a new calling yesterday at church. Chorister. It's not really going to be a difficult calling. After all, I have for years stood up in front of congregations and waved my arm to the music. I must admit though that the best part of this is that this ward has all of their topics for the speakers lined up already. For the entire year. I could select all the hymns for the year, submit them, and then all I'd have to do is show up on Sunday. I don't think I'll do that, but I could work a couple of months ahead.
I didn't really expect that I would have to work too hard in this calling. After all, I've dealt with the music in the branch for years. I figured that I'd come across most of the regular problems or duties of the calling. Then I was told (in the blessing that goes with the calling) that music has been part of my being even before this life, and that it can/will shape my future. Oh, and that somehow they'd like me to encourage those who don't sing to sing. Especially the Young Men. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do that.
My girl scout cookies were delivered yesterday. I love the randomness of the internet, and finding out random connections between people. For example: I used to visit teach Ginny Potter. She married Colin Moses. Colin's mother had two couches to give away, and her mother announced that fact at church. My roommate then snagged one of the couches. (I love free furniture!) Ginny's sister Stephanie has a blog that I read regularly. Well, one of her daughters was selling girl scout cookies. As I love girl scout cookies, I ordered some. When the delivery of the cookies took place, Stephanie and her family walked into my apartment and recognized my couch. It seems that I now own their old couch. How fun is that?!
.
I didn't really expect that I would have to work too hard in this calling. After all, I've dealt with the music in the branch for years. I figured that I'd come across most of the regular problems or duties of the calling. Then I was told (in the blessing that goes with the calling) that music has been part of my being even before this life, and that it can/will shape my future. Oh, and that somehow they'd like me to encourage those who don't sing to sing. Especially the Young Men. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do that.
My girl scout cookies were delivered yesterday. I love the randomness of the internet, and finding out random connections between people. For example: I used to visit teach Ginny Potter. She married Colin Moses. Colin's mother had two couches to give away, and her mother announced that fact at church. My roommate then snagged one of the couches. (I love free furniture!) Ginny's sister Stephanie has a blog that I read regularly. Well, one of her daughters was selling girl scout cookies. As I love girl scout cookies, I ordered some. When the delivery of the cookies took place, Stephanie and her family walked into my apartment and recognized my couch. It seems that I now own their old couch. How fun is that?!
.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Avoidance
I haven't posted for a while. I haven't even checked my blogroll for a couple of weeks because everytime I sign in I see how long it's been since I posted.
I keep thinking about the 3 or so drafts I have tucked away. And thoughts just keep swirling around and around. I want to put them all down, but I have no discipline.
Things are a little bit stressful right now. I've been trying not to think about it. But I suppose I'm going about it all the wrong way, by completely avoiding the things that are bothering me. If I could just figure out what I could do to help myself, or even start to help solve the problem, my mental state would probably even out a little bit.
Eh, whatever, I'm not going to dwell on it overmuch. Well, that's a lie, because I certainly will think about it and worry, but I don't really want to share everything here. Instead I'll try to finish up those drafts I have stewing and get them out of my head.
As I look out the window of the office, I can see that the sky has clouded over. It's getting a bit dark and looks a bit like rain.
I wish it would rain. Then I could go stand out in it and try to let the stress wash off.
.
I keep thinking about the 3 or so drafts I have tucked away. And thoughts just keep swirling around and around. I want to put them all down, but I have no discipline.
Things are a little bit stressful right now. I've been trying not to think about it. But I suppose I'm going about it all the wrong way, by completely avoiding the things that are bothering me. If I could just figure out what I could do to help myself, or even start to help solve the problem, my mental state would probably even out a little bit.
Eh, whatever, I'm not going to dwell on it overmuch. Well, that's a lie, because I certainly will think about it and worry, but I don't really want to share everything here. Instead I'll try to finish up those drafts I have stewing and get them out of my head.
As I look out the window of the office, I can see that the sky has clouded over. It's getting a bit dark and looks a bit like rain.
I wish it would rain. Then I could go stand out in it and try to let the stress wash off.
.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
A good day and a good lesson.
The first week in my new ward, it was already well-known that I played the piano, and could substitute. (I blame Ryan.) My second Sunday I actually was asked to sub in Relief Society. Then later that week, I got a phone call from one of the counselors in the presidency, asking if I'd be willing to teach the next Sunday. My records aren't even in the ward yet, and somehow she got my phone number. (I found out Sunday that the ward website works faster than the clerk's office.)
So, ok, I'll teach. I've never taught Relief Society before. I like the manuals that tell you just what to say and when to say it. This was an entirely new experience for me. I spent my Friday night planning my lesson and writing out my notes. I had one of those great moments of personal revelation, that confirmed the truth of what I was reading, and just really made a deep impression on me.
It was really nice to have finished preparing my lesson on Friday. Then I could fully enjoy my Saturday, and not have to rush back to it.
My records finally made it to my ward. It's nice that I'm an actual member of the ward that I'm teaching in. When they introduced me before I taught, they did make mention of my newness. It got quite a reaction from the crowd. I guess they were all impressed that I would be willing to teach being so new.
It was a good lesson. I made them laugh once or twice. I made a few of them cry. (Which Ryan tells me is the sign of a good Relief Society lesson, how many tears are shed.) They did seem strangely hesitant about volunteering answers, but they are quite willing to read things.
It's interesting, but not surprising, that most comments from married women revolve around children and family and husbands. One thing I've noticed about being in a singles ward for so long is the fact that I'm used to lessons that are not quite so focused on raising children as much as how to become a better person so that in the future I can be a strength to my family. So when I ask questions, I know that their first thoughts and answers are going to be family and children. Which is not a bad thing, but I take it as a personal challenge to make them look beyond that.
Anyway, it was a good lesson. I got lots of compliments afterwards. The presidency was very happy with me, and very happy with my lesson. They said something about wanting to have me involved in Relief Society. Should I be worried? Well, I'm not really. I really like the ward, and I would be glad to do more.
The Relief Society president did mention that I looked so calm and confident while teaching. I don't know that they really believed me when at the beginning of the lesson I said I was nervous. But years of standing up and performing has made me capable of being terrified but still getting up there to do what needs to be done.
So, ok, I'll teach. I've never taught Relief Society before. I like the manuals that tell you just what to say and when to say it. This was an entirely new experience for me. I spent my Friday night planning my lesson and writing out my notes. I had one of those great moments of personal revelation, that confirmed the truth of what I was reading, and just really made a deep impression on me.
It was really nice to have finished preparing my lesson on Friday. Then I could fully enjoy my Saturday, and not have to rush back to it.
My records finally made it to my ward. It's nice that I'm an actual member of the ward that I'm teaching in. When they introduced me before I taught, they did make mention of my newness. It got quite a reaction from the crowd. I guess they were all impressed that I would be willing to teach being so new.
It was a good lesson. I made them laugh once or twice. I made a few of them cry. (Which Ryan tells me is the sign of a good Relief Society lesson, how many tears are shed.) They did seem strangely hesitant about volunteering answers, but they are quite willing to read things.
It's interesting, but not surprising, that most comments from married women revolve around children and family and husbands. One thing I've noticed about being in a singles ward for so long is the fact that I'm used to lessons that are not quite so focused on raising children as much as how to become a better person so that in the future I can be a strength to my family. So when I ask questions, I know that their first thoughts and answers are going to be family and children. Which is not a bad thing, but I take it as a personal challenge to make them look beyond that.
Anyway, it was a good lesson. I got lots of compliments afterwards. The presidency was very happy with me, and very happy with my lesson. They said something about wanting to have me involved in Relief Society. Should I be worried? Well, I'm not really. I really like the ward, and I would be glad to do more.
The Relief Society president did mention that I looked so calm and confident while teaching. I don't know that they really believed me when at the beginning of the lesson I said I was nervous. But years of standing up and performing has made me capable of being terrified but still getting up there to do what needs to be done.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
taco tuesday
I went to the Glendale Institute for lunch today. Every Tuesday they have all-you-can eat tacos for just a dollar. I figured since I was there, I might as well have lunch. It was a good lunch.
Oh, and the class was good, too. Thanks to my strange and short working hours, I can actually take an Institute class. I didn't really consider it until Sis Weathersby sent out a plea for more students. And then when I looked at the times, it turned out that it fits perfectly into my morning. I might just have to keep going now.
Oh, and the class was good, too. Thanks to my strange and short working hours, I can actually take an Institute class. I didn't really consider it until Sis Weathersby sent out a plea for more students. And then when I looked at the times, it turned out that it fits perfectly into my morning. I might just have to keep going now.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
A full brain
There are so many things I want to talk about. So many things are circling around in my head that I just want to get them out. But I don't want to talk about some of them because I really want to stop thinking about them.
I want to talk about the new apartment, and how being in a new place physically is helping me try harder to get in a new place mentally and spiritually. Not to mention making me try to organize my life in all the other mundane daily stuff.
I want to revisit and finish the drafts that I have tucked away.
I'm really curious as to how soon I'll get a calling in my new ward. I certainly wouldn't mind doing something musical, but I would really love to teach again. Except I really wouldn't want to teach the youth or in the primary. Whatever, I'll be happy doing what I'm asked to do. Ok, I'll try to be happy in whatever I'm asked to do.
Everyone always says that you can say no to a calling. I've never been in a spot that I felt that I could turn one down. Although there was that one time that I think I was extended a calling in order for me to introduce the fact that I needed to talk to the Bishop before accepting it...
My room is filled with boxes that I have to go through, yet I want to go to my parents' storage and get more. I miss having all my belongings around me.
I need more furniture. Not that I have place for anything right now (due to the plethora of boxes), but once I parse through the boxes I have, there will be lots of empty space.
I want a brownie. And a camera.
Yeah, I don't think this post made much sense either.
I want to talk about the new apartment, and how being in a new place physically is helping me try harder to get in a new place mentally and spiritually. Not to mention making me try to organize my life in all the other mundane daily stuff.
I want to revisit and finish the drafts that I have tucked away.
I'm really curious as to how soon I'll get a calling in my new ward. I certainly wouldn't mind doing something musical, but I would really love to teach again. Except I really wouldn't want to teach the youth or in the primary. Whatever, I'll be happy doing what I'm asked to do. Ok, I'll try to be happy in whatever I'm asked to do.
Everyone always says that you can say no to a calling. I've never been in a spot that I felt that I could turn one down. Although there was that one time that I think I was extended a calling in order for me to introduce the fact that I needed to talk to the Bishop before accepting it...
My room is filled with boxes that I have to go through, yet I want to go to my parents' storage and get more. I miss having all my belongings around me.
I need more furniture. Not that I have place for anything right now (due to the plethora of boxes), but once I parse through the boxes I have, there will be lots of empty space.
I want a brownie. And a camera.
Yeah, I don't think this post made much sense either.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A New Addition
This is my new niece. She was born on 20 January, at 4:20 am, at 7 pounds, 10 ounces.
Funnily, I had a conversation with my sister Jenn (the mother) just the night before about the baby and due dates and how she was hoping that the baby would wait until February to make her appearance. Evidently she had other ideas. (Actually we had that discussion about 4 hours before my sister woke up with contractions.)
I love little babies and being able to hold them when they're still so tiny. I visited baby and parents early this morning, and got to hold her. Holding a six-hour-old baby is quite an experience. I'll get to watch the older children tonight so my parents can visit. My niece called me this morning to tell me that she had a new baby sister. She was very excited about the news.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Random
So there's lots of things that I want to blog about but they kept getting jumbled or pushed aside. So I'm going to just do a little infodump and we'll see what happens.
- I really want to blog more, but I talk too much. I ramble on and on and can't tell a coherent story. Or I take too long to write a response or a comment. And then I think and think about what I want to say, but then have run out of time or I forget. Or I keep wanting to edit what I write and have to just walk away from it.
- I totally wanted to post some Get Fuzzy cartoons from this week, but when it saves the picture it saves as a file type that I can't open. It makes me sad because this last week has been hilarious. Check out the entries for the 13th, 14th, and 15th of this month. Anything that pokes fun at the BoSox I love. And these are clever.
- I overuse the words "so" and "well". Most times I don't care, but it's starting to bug me.
- I want to do more tags, but I save them to do another day and then I forget them.
- I love reading webcomics. Problem is when I find new ones and have to do an archive binge.
- I get distracted very easily whenever I visit tvtropes. (I just spent a half hour looking for the link for #5, beacuse I kept reading other entries.)
- The downside of spending so much time on the internet is the very short attention span I now have. I have had up to 6 tabs open and switch back and forth whenever I feel the slightest bit bored.
Heh, so 6 of those 7 things are about the internet. And as I only noticed # 3 because of the blogging, it could be argued that all 7 are about the internet. Totally didn't plan that, as I meant to mention baseball. Oh well, maybe another day.
Monday, January 12, 2009
People are strange
I just don't understand people sometimes.
I was recently surprised by the fact that a person has been mad at me for about a month and yet had done nothing to make me aware of that fact. The person just stayed angry, and everytime I did or said something it would just feed into the anger. I can't apologize or explain or try to change my behavior if I have no idea that I'm offending anyone.
In my daily perusal of the internets, I happened to read some end-of-the-year lists, mostly about movies. Most lists were rather positive and fun and interesting, but one was pointing out humor in movies that weren't intended to be funny. Or bad movies that had moments that were laughable. Now, I'm all for finding the funny whenever and wherever you can, but this list seemed to be rather more mean than I was comfortable with.
Another list was the most horrible person list. That was written by a very angry person. Granted a list about horrible people isn't going to be cheerful, but a lot of the language was bitter and crude. At first I was offended by the author's mocking of my religion, but then the author went ahead and abused the Catholic Church too, so I guess they're an equal-opportunity type religion basher. And that last sentence makes me sound just as bad as that author.
I don't understand. I have my hard days, and my angry days, but I don't really want to dwell on them. I much prefer to laugh, to be in a good mood. I've been trying to be nicer to people, to not take my bad moods out on others. And trying to avoid those things that will encourage me to be in a bad mood. So I really don't want to read an angry diatribe about how awful life is.
I like my life. Grated, it's not what I thought it would be 10 years ago, but really, who can predict exactly what's going to happen. And I've decided to make the best of this life that I have. And while there are some parts of my life right now that are uncomfortable, I'm going to get through them.
Anyway, I guess I'm done with the ramble for now.
Oh wait, there was a reason I started off with someone being mad at me. I have been trying to be nicer and positive, like I said, but sometimes I don't quite succeed. I would really appreciate it if instead of going a month (or more) without talking to me, why don't you just talk to me, let me know if I've hurt you. Thanks.
I was recently surprised by the fact that a person has been mad at me for about a month and yet had done nothing to make me aware of that fact. The person just stayed angry, and everytime I did or said something it would just feed into the anger. I can't apologize or explain or try to change my behavior if I have no idea that I'm offending anyone.
In my daily perusal of the internets, I happened to read some end-of-the-year lists, mostly about movies. Most lists were rather positive and fun and interesting, but one was pointing out humor in movies that weren't intended to be funny. Or bad movies that had moments that were laughable. Now, I'm all for finding the funny whenever and wherever you can, but this list seemed to be rather more mean than I was comfortable with.
Another list was the most horrible person list. That was written by a very angry person. Granted a list about horrible people isn't going to be cheerful, but a lot of the language was bitter and crude. At first I was offended by the author's mocking of my religion, but then the author went ahead and abused the Catholic Church too, so I guess they're an equal-opportunity type religion basher. And that last sentence makes me sound just as bad as that author.
I don't understand. I have my hard days, and my angry days, but I don't really want to dwell on them. I much prefer to laugh, to be in a good mood. I've been trying to be nicer to people, to not take my bad moods out on others. And trying to avoid those things that will encourage me to be in a bad mood. So I really don't want to read an angry diatribe about how awful life is.
I like my life. Grated, it's not what I thought it would be 10 years ago, but really, who can predict exactly what's going to happen. And I've decided to make the best of this life that I have. And while there are some parts of my life right now that are uncomfortable, I'm going to get through them.
Anyway, I guess I'm done with the ramble for now.
Oh wait, there was a reason I started off with someone being mad at me. I have been trying to be nicer and positive, like I said, but sometimes I don't quite succeed. I would really appreciate it if instead of going a month (or more) without talking to me, why don't you just talk to me, let me know if I've hurt you. Thanks.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Baseball Ups and Downs
(Note: This is a very baseball-geeky entry. Just so if you don't want to read about baseball, stop here.)
John Smoltz is going to play for the Red Sox this season. That makes me sad.
Tim Lincecum is on Hot Stove tonight, and is just adorable. He has no problem talking about the game, and his awards, and his pitching. But he got uncomfortable when it was mentioned that he does impersonations of voices from a tv show, Family Guy I think. He didn't want to give a demonstration of that, but he has no problem getting on the mound in the studio and breaking down his pitching. Shows that ballplayers are used to dissecting the game, but also know how to seperate their private self from their public self. Also, he speaks very well. Knows his mechanics, and how his motion works. Very self-possessed for a 24-year-old.
Also, he is just cute. And is slightly star-struck about being teammates with Randy Johnson.
Which Randy pitching for SF also makes me sad, but not as sad as if he had gone to the Dodgers.
Made the 4th of 5 payments for my tickets today. I am so looking forwards to the season and our new seats.
I love love love the MLB Network. It's now the default channel I turn to when I'm watching tv. It's not offered by qwest at our new place just yet. I'll have to request it.
Bob Melvin is in an interview now. It's really nice to hear about my team in a nice extended and relaxed way.
I love baseball.
John Smoltz is going to play for the Red Sox this season. That makes me sad.
Tim Lincecum is on Hot Stove tonight, and is just adorable. He has no problem talking about the game, and his awards, and his pitching. But he got uncomfortable when it was mentioned that he does impersonations of voices from a tv show, Family Guy I think. He didn't want to give a demonstration of that, but he has no problem getting on the mound in the studio and breaking down his pitching. Shows that ballplayers are used to dissecting the game, but also know how to seperate their private self from their public self. Also, he speaks very well. Knows his mechanics, and how his motion works. Very self-possessed for a 24-year-old.
Also, he is just cute. And is slightly star-struck about being teammates with Randy Johnson.
Which Randy pitching for SF also makes me sad, but not as sad as if he had gone to the Dodgers.
Made the 4th of 5 payments for my tickets today. I am so looking forwards to the season and our new seats.
I love love love the MLB Network. It's now the default channel I turn to when I'm watching tv. It's not offered by qwest at our new place just yet. I'll have to request it.
Bob Melvin is in an interview now. It's really nice to hear about my team in a nice extended and relaxed way.
I love baseball.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Dancing and Music
So I've been watching a lot of musicals recently. (I love TCM.) Last week BYUtv had The Gathering, BYU's annual Christmas program. I recorded it and am just now getting around to watching it. Dancing and music and stuff. I really wish I could dance like that. Tap and clogging and all sorts of stuff. I used to take dance lessons, way long ago. I really enjoyed them, I think. I don't really have the shape of a dancer anymore. It would be slightly awkward for me to be bouncing up and down now. But I think I could do ballroom dancing. That would be awesome, learning to dance like that. One day I'll find a man who wants to learn to dance like that with me.
So I just watching a number that was like "Me Old Bamboo", but in Romanian. Weird. The group playing the music for the performance is just fantastic. I wish I still played in a group.
And now the best of Ireland. Step dancing is so awesomely fantastic.
Bagpipes and kilts. I love a good bagpiper. Bagpipes in harmony! Can you believe that? With the gorgeous snare drum line.
So I just watching a number that was like "Me Old Bamboo", but in Romanian. Weird. The group playing the music for the performance is just fantastic. I wish I still played in a group.
And now the best of Ireland. Step dancing is so awesomely fantastic.
Bagpipes and kilts. I love a good bagpiper. Bagpipes in harmony! Can you believe that? With the gorgeous snare drum line.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Is that a guarantee you're offering me?
One of things I do every day is read the comics. Peanuts is on my list of daily reads. At first I found the installment for 1 January funny. Then I started thinking about it. See what you think:
Poor Charlie Brown. All he's doing is offering a simple wish that I'm sure that all of us hear and say to many people, especially in the last two days. And here Lucy is just being her obstinate and belligerent self. But really, just because you say "Happy New Year" doesn't mean that I'm actually going to have a happy year.
On another site that I visit daily, sluggy.com, the author has a New Year's wish: "Happy 2009! May it be even more unbelievably fantastic than 2008 was! (Take that as earnest or sarcastic depending on how your year went)"
2008 was pretty good for me. (I was going to look back over ’08 and look ahead to this year, but I find that I talk too much. Type, write, whatever. The entry then got a little long.) There were some difficulties, but for the most part, I had a good year. I’m sure that I’ll have some difficulties this year. I know that good things will happen this year. But whether I have a good year or not is going to depend more on my attitude than the things that I can’t control. So if I expect that this year will be “unbelievably fantastic”, then it will be. I don’t know what will happen, but I know that if I just look to the positive side of things, I’ll end up having a good year. That’s not quite a guarantee of a happy year, but I’ll do my best to have one.
Poor Charlie Brown. All he's doing is offering a simple wish that I'm sure that all of us hear and say to many people, especially in the last two days. And here Lucy is just being her obstinate and belligerent self. But really, just because you say "Happy New Year" doesn't mean that I'm actually going to have a happy year.
On another site that I visit daily, sluggy.com, the author has a New Year's wish: "Happy 2009! May it be even more unbelievably fantastic than 2008 was! (Take that as earnest or sarcastic depending on how your year went)"
2008 was pretty good for me. (I was going to look back over ’08 and look ahead to this year, but I find that I talk too much. Type, write, whatever. The entry then got a little long.) There were some difficulties, but for the most part, I had a good year. I’m sure that I’ll have some difficulties this year. I know that good things will happen this year. But whether I have a good year or not is going to depend more on my attitude than the things that I can’t control. So if I expect that this year will be “unbelievably fantastic”, then it will be. I don’t know what will happen, but I know that if I just look to the positive side of things, I’ll end up having a good year. That’s not quite a guarantee of a happy year, but I’ll do my best to have one.
Perfection
So all week long I've been waiting for the launch of the MLB Network. They'd been playing about an hour of clips and highlights over and over in preview of what was coming. Every time I was bored with what was on tv I'd turn to the MLB channel and check out where they were in the highlight reel.
Today was the actual launch of real programming. The first hour was ok. It's interesting to see anchors and analysis guys figuring out their dynamics. Hopefully that will smooth out in a little bit.
But the special part came in the 2nd hour. For the first time since the original broadcast of it, they show the 5th game of the 1956 World Series, Don Larson's perfect game. The only perfect game in World Series history.
It's very interesting watching. Bob Costas has Don Larson and Yogi Berra in the studio, and he's interviewing them in between the innings. I've been to countless baseball games, and have seen some great and wonderful things. But I couldn't give you a play-by-play of any of the games. I couldn't say who was pitching on which day unless I looked it up. But these 2 gentlemen sat in the studio, 52 years after playing that game, and could remember it. They knew who they were playing against, they remember the conversations they had in the dugout during the game, conversations they had earlier in the day. Now, I'm sure that that day was burned into their memories, but it is fascinating to see what they remember and watching them talk about it.
Bob Costas made an observation early in the broadcast about the game, and how different the broadcast is from watching a game today. This game is in black and white. There's only one broadcaster at a time. And that broadcaster does not feel the need to fill in every second of airtime with talking. (That I think is one of the oddest things. Nowadays every second has to be filled with talk. There's hardly any personal commentary or speculation on this broadcast.) Very few graphics are used. No on-screen graphic that keeps you informed of the count or number of outs or the inning. No replays. There's only a few cameras, and basically the only view of the game is from the camera behind home plate. The game itself moves faster. Batters stay in the box and don't step out as much. Pitchers move faster. The commercial breaks are much shorter.
Over and above the broadcast, there's still some odd differences to see. The uniforms are big and baggy on everyone. The spectators are mostly dressed up. Women in dresses and skirts and men in suits with hats on. Not many kids in the crowd. Of course, it was a day game, and the kids are most likely in school.
But the similarities are there too. The game is the same. Great plays are still made. Long hits are still made. Bunts and sacrifices and relays and double-plays and rundowns. Luck still plays a major part in the game. A catch barely made could have been missed or a long foul ball could easily have hooked fair for a home run.
It's very interesting viewing. This game just shows me how much I love this sport. I'm willing to spend two hours watching a game that happened more than 52 years ago, even though I know the result. (But how is that any different than watching a favorite movie that you've seen multiple times and know the end of?) Not to mention watching the same hour over and over this last week while waiting for the programming to go live.
Ah, baseball. I love this game. I can't wait for the season to start. But until then I have a channel devoted to baseball to slake my thirst for the game. Life just doesn't get better than that.
Today was the actual launch of real programming. The first hour was ok. It's interesting to see anchors and analysis guys figuring out their dynamics. Hopefully that will smooth out in a little bit.
But the special part came in the 2nd hour. For the first time since the original broadcast of it, they show the 5th game of the 1956 World Series, Don Larson's perfect game. The only perfect game in World Series history.
It's very interesting watching. Bob Costas has Don Larson and Yogi Berra in the studio, and he's interviewing them in between the innings. I've been to countless baseball games, and have seen some great and wonderful things. But I couldn't give you a play-by-play of any of the games. I couldn't say who was pitching on which day unless I looked it up. But these 2 gentlemen sat in the studio, 52 years after playing that game, and could remember it. They knew who they were playing against, they remember the conversations they had in the dugout during the game, conversations they had earlier in the day. Now, I'm sure that that day was burned into their memories, but it is fascinating to see what they remember and watching them talk about it.
Bob Costas made an observation early in the broadcast about the game, and how different the broadcast is from watching a game today. This game is in black and white. There's only one broadcaster at a time. And that broadcaster does not feel the need to fill in every second of airtime with talking. (That I think is one of the oddest things. Nowadays every second has to be filled with talk. There's hardly any personal commentary or speculation on this broadcast.) Very few graphics are used. No on-screen graphic that keeps you informed of the count or number of outs or the inning. No replays. There's only a few cameras, and basically the only view of the game is from the camera behind home plate. The game itself moves faster. Batters stay in the box and don't step out as much. Pitchers move faster. The commercial breaks are much shorter.
Over and above the broadcast, there's still some odd differences to see. The uniforms are big and baggy on everyone. The spectators are mostly dressed up. Women in dresses and skirts and men in suits with hats on. Not many kids in the crowd. Of course, it was a day game, and the kids are most likely in school.
But the similarities are there too. The game is the same. Great plays are still made. Long hits are still made. Bunts and sacrifices and relays and double-plays and rundowns. Luck still plays a major part in the game. A catch barely made could have been missed or a long foul ball could easily have hooked fair for a home run.
It's very interesting viewing. This game just shows me how much I love this sport. I'm willing to spend two hours watching a game that happened more than 52 years ago, even though I know the result. (But how is that any different than watching a favorite movie that you've seen multiple times and know the end of?) Not to mention watching the same hour over and over this last week while waiting for the programming to go live.
Ah, baseball. I love this game. I can't wait for the season to start. But until then I have a channel devoted to baseball to slake my thirst for the game. Life just doesn't get better than that.
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