Has it been a month already?

Tomorrow it will be one month since I met Corey. This past Sunday we went to a fireside in Mesa, at the same place where we met. Last month, I knew one person and my expectations were rather low on the enjoyment/meeting new people scale. This month, I was there with the one person I wanted to be with, and my expectations of enjoyment were rather high. And it was a great message, full of meaning for both of us. What a difference a month makes.

It's funny, I always smirked a little bit at those people who met someone and practically the next day they were engaged, or knew they were going to get married. I never really expected that I was going to be like that. If Corey was a member of the church then I'd probably be announcing my wedding date. But he's not a member, so we're waiting until he is able to be baptized.

At the fireside on Sunday, the speaker talked about the trials we go through. That sometimes they are because it's life, because of our poor decisions, or because of others' poor decisions. And that sometimes all the preparation, all the studying and praying that you've done, is to prepare you for dealing with the hardships of your life, and the trials associated with it.

Anyways, I'm not going to be telling you much about the specific trials we are going to go through, but I will keep gushing about how happy I am. And I am happy. All morning we were sending sappy text messages back and forth. He is so sweet and good to me. I found a guy that knows about cars, so I might not ever have to visit a mechanic again. He's handy, and knows how to build things and use power tools. He likes to cook, but hates to clean. Which is ok, because cooking stresses me out, and I'm happy to clean up after my own personal chef. He plays the guitar and sings to me all the time. He makes me laugh, and loves to hear me laugh, and loves to see me happy. Most importantly, he has an incredible testimony and love for God. He knows that he needs the church and the Gospel and the Atonement in his life.

And a really neat thing? He loves the missionaries and spending time with them. He loves spending time on the Temple grounds. We plan on spending our Friday nights at the Visitor's Center, watching videos with the elders. So if you ever want to meet him, you can find us there every Friday night. Married folks, find a babysitter and make it a date night. My single friends, come and hang out with us.

Early morning rambles.....

Good morning, internets.

I didn't sleep much tonight. My head is full of weirdness. I finally decided to get out of bed at 5am and have something to eat. And maybe I can vent some of this whatever and go to sleep.

Tonight I am singing with a choir that is presenting parts of Handel's Messiah. This will be the third year in a row that I get to take part in singing this music. I love The Messiah. However, my experience with this choir has not been my favorite. In fact, I believe this choir is the most amateur choir or performing group I have ever been a part of. (Well, I guess I should say been part of as an adult, as I'm sure middle school band qualifies as very amateur.) The rehearsals have been trying. One of the (two) conductors is hard to follow. Odd hand signals and arm movements. Constant starting and stopping while rehearsing. But worst of all, to my mind, is the behavior of the choir members.

Some of my friends have sung in several different choirs, both in school and in church. Some of my friends have been in choirs with me. Some have been in choirs that I've conducted. They know how mean I am, and what kind of behavior I expect from my choirs. Even if I'm not conducting, my singing friends know what kind of courtesy should be extended during a rehearsal. However, the people in this choir I am singing with seem to have no idea how to properly behave during a rehearsal. And I don't think they really understand musical etiquette at all. For instance, not turning pages while the orchestra is playing, or the soloists are singing. Or learning how to quietly turn the page. Or learning how to NOT turn the page when there is absolute silence in the room.

There is really so much to vent on, but if I relate everything, I'll get all angry and worked up all over again. So I won't mention the three sopranos who are constantly talking and barely manage to shut up in order to sing. (If they talked just a little bit louder, I'd be able to participate in the conversation.) Or the one lady who sings very loudly and slightly out-of-tune. (In my ear!) Or the conductors who must be slightly deaf to not notice the constant chattering that goes on everywhere. Or the conductors who have not done enough to impress upon people the sacredness of this music, and thus the respect they should have for learning it. But I'm not going to mention any of it.

Another thing bothering me this morning is about guys, three in particular. I'll refer to them as the short guy, the married guy, and the bearded guy. The bearded guy is one that I've met just recently, but was the most interesting guy at an activity I went to. But alas, I found out last night, thanks to facebook, that he is now in a relationship. I am a little disappointed. But as I just met him, I can just shrug him off. But the other two.... I had been hoping that the short one could distract me from the married one (who might become not married, but who knows how long that might take), but shorty is being a doofus, so I'm irritated at him. I had thought that maybe there was potential for a real relationship, but he's not doing anything about it. And I guess part of me hoped that if I was in a relationship, or was even in the tentative beginnings of possibility, I wouldn't think so much about the married one, or worry so about him.

I was watching tv last night, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was on. I just cannot watch that movie any more. I much prefer the LEGO video game version of it.

Hmm, well, I'm still awake and not really that tired. Maybe I'll go upstairs and try to read. Or maybe turn my video game back on. And looking back over this post, I really need to start writing about more cheerful, happy things. Maybe later, after church, and hopefully a short nap.

General Conference

I love General Conference. I love being able to sit and listen to prophets and apostles. I also really like how there sometimes seems to be a theme during conference. I know that the speakers are not assigned topics, they get to choose what they speak on. But it seems as if the Lord has a definite plan for what He wants us to hear.

Things just seem so clear right now. I just need to keep this feeling, implement the changes I need to make, and keep looking to the prophet to guide me. Simple.

A really good weekend. Lots of pondering to do. And I recorded the sessions, so while I'm waiting for the Ensign to come out, I can review some of the speakers, keep this feeling fresh. And I didn't take notes this time, so I think I'll watch a talk or two at a time and take notes then. Or when I get the Ensign, watch and read. Something like that.

Favorites include President Uctdorf and his expected comparison to airplanes, and the powerful message he always brings. The definite emphasis on following the prophet, especially twice quoting the same talk of Pres. Benson. And today's repeated mentions of agency and the importance of obedience.

It was a good weekend.

Miracles

Today's Relief Society lesson was all about miracles. Shelly, our Relief Society president as well as today's teacher, decided that it was going to be a lesson combined with music, to add to the Spirit and the testimony. And the Young Women joined us for the day, so Adria of the YW presidency helped put together the lesson.

I have heard of the musical program Woman at the Well, but had never heard the music. Shelly and Adria picked three songs from the program. Shelly told the story, we read the scriptures, and then the song was sung. The first was the story of the woman who was healed of her illness just by touched the garment of Jesus. The second was about the 12-year-old daughter of a leader of the synagogue who had just died and then Christ raises her. The last was the story of Lazarus, who died, and was raised after four days. It was a very good lesson. After all the singing, Shelly gave examples of modern miracles, and talked about daily miracles. And then the comments of the sisters in the room about the little miracles that are so important to building up your testimony of the Gospel.

I had been asked to sing the third song, a duet voicing the thoughts and feelings of Mary and Martha, the sisters of Lazarus. The first time I heard the song, I got a little weepy. When I tried to sing along with the recording I had, I had troubles getting through the song without getting choked up. Eventually I got to the point that I was able to get through without a problem. I didn't even think that I was going to have a problem with the song and my emotions.

Well. Our regular pianist wasn't at church today, so I sat down to play prelude and so got to play the opening and closing songs for the meeting. I started to cry as soon as I started to play the opening song, How Great Thou Art. Which is just one of my most favorite hymns. And one that can always make me cry. It's not a good sign if I start crying that early in a meeting. But I still didn't think that I'd have that big of a problem. Once the lesson started, I moved across the room from my belongings, not even remembering to bring my tissues with me.

Shelly started the first story, the woman with the issue of blood, that only wanted to touch the hem of Jesus' garment. Then came the song. And I start to cry. At this point, it's too late. The only way for me to stop crying is to completely ignore the song, or leave the room. I didn't want to do either, so I'm stuck with being an emotional mess.

But since the feelings I had were so sweet and filled me with peace and gratitude, I don't really mind the tears. (However, it would have been better for me to remember my tissues. Luckily, my duet partner had some extra.)

It really is amazing all the wonderful things my Father has given me. The miracle of living on this earth, at this time, having the Gospel, having my family so close, having the blessings of the Church. Knowing about the temple, and being able to go is a miracle and blessing. Waking every day is a great blessing and miracle. Finding my roommate was a great miracle. Getting our couch was a wonderful little miracle.

When it came time for me to sing, I had been steadily sniffing back tears for 20 minutes. And when I stood up to sing, all the room could tell that I had been crying and was on the verge of tears again. I told them it was a good thing the words had been printed up for them, so that if I was incoherent, or stopped singing altogether, they would know what it was supposed to have been. I manage to get through this song, even getting through the part that had tripped me up in the first place. But the last few lines. "Somehow He knew when to be here. / Son of God, / He is always here." I couldn't actually finish the last note for crying. (I'm even starting to cry as I type this.) My only consolation is that I made some of the other sisters in the room cry.

But the whole experience made me so grateful for so many things. For a family that loves and supports me. For a ward family that loves me and prays for me. For friends that still are my friends, even though I make fun of them, or have a laugh at their expense. I'm grateful that my friends stayed around long enough to know that past the cynical and mean exterior, I'm worth getting to know.

I was giving a sister from church a ride home and she told me that I can't hide the fact that I have a soft heart. Which made me laugh, because sometimes I'd rather be seen as mean and cynical, but sometimes no one else sees me that way. (At least among the sisters of my ward, who only see me on Sunday, and who see just the soft-hearted side.)

Anyways, I guess I just wanted to share that I do have a testimony of the Gospel. And that I do know that I am very blessed and lucky. And that miracles are around us, everywhere and everyday.

a strange thing

So. A really weird thing that I figured out tonight. I've been going through my blogroll, reading the most recent posts of those on the roll. And a lot of the people on my list are members of my church, so there are a lot of reflections on general conference, and testimonies are shared about the gospel and the church and conference.

I feel awkward when they speak of personal and spiritual things, and when I read their testimonies about those personal and spiritual things.

I don't really know why. It's one thing to sit in a church meeting, when you expect to hear things like that. But to just stroll around the internet and read of spiritual things? It's weird. Maybe it's because I don't expect it. Maybe because when I was hanging out with friends, we didn't usually divurge and start talking about the Gospel and spiritual things. I guess that's a failing of me and the people I hung out with, and the types of conversations we could have.

When I go and read other people's blogs, it's a little like hanging out and telling stories and spending time with friends. I love getting glimpses of the personal lives of my friends. But it gives me pause when they talk about the religious stuff. (I don't mean to be flippant, or disrespectful of other people and what they write. That's not what this is about.) So maybe, with all the other things I want/need to work on, I need to remember that my friends do have testimonies, that they do have things in their lives that they feel strongly about.

Anyway. On a related note, I am really glad that I'm adult enough that I look forwards to General Conference and the spiritual high that it brings. And I am glad that I have friends who feel the same way. And I am very glad that I have friends who feel strongly enough about their experiences that they want to share it with everyone. Even if it makes me feel uncomfortable.

A realization and a renewal of resolve.

I have become so passive when it comes to my internet usage. It used to be that I would participate on message boards, do all sorts of things on facebook, and even write on my blog. Now I hardly even sign into anything. I only do to check email and my bank balances. I hardly even come here to check on my friends' blogs.

I've been passive in other things, too. Like church. I still go, I still show up to meetings, but I haven't really put in a lot of effort.

But General Conference has revitalized my soul. (And getting wireless internet in the apartment.) I have a renewed determination to do better in my calling. And I miss writing. Journal writing, whether online, in a word doc, or in a real notebook, clears my mind. I'm not much for introspection, because I don't always like who I am, or more accurately, who I've been recently. But conference held so many great messages for me. Not least of which was pointed reminders that I need to keep my life in order, and that I can't just take the easy way and coast. So I need to take the time to write, to study, to reflect. And take the time to share what I've learned. And now that we have wireless internet, I can borrow the laptop and take it into my roon, or to the table, and be able to be comfortable writing.

Mostly, I want to be a more spiritual person, and live up to the responsibilities that I have. With Stake Conference and then being out of town, and then General Conference, I haven't been to church in weeks. I feel really disconnected from my ward and my calling. I have a presidency meeting tomorrow and I'm hoping that I'll have a clear head and be able to participate fully and freely.

I can't wait until next month's Ensign comes out with all the conference talks. There were so many powerful things said. I'm just glad that I don't have to make the decision on which to choose for lessons. I would have a hard time narrowing it down.

I want to keep talking, but I don't really have anything else to say. Today's been a very different kind of day. It's been a really good weekend, and I did a pretty good job of keeping that kind of feeling going today. Hopefully I can keep this going through the rest of the week.

reflections caused by relief society visits

I've gone on a lot of Relief Society visits this week. And it's really strange when I go visit someone, and then in conversation, realize that I know a lot of the same people, even if I don't remember ever meeting this woman whose living room I'm sitting in.

And then occasionally these women will decide that they don't want to be the only one talking, so they turn to us and ask us some of those same questions we ask them. Today one woman asked us where we were all from. The Relief Society president has lived here in Glendale all her life. She and the first counselor have lived in our ward so long and know so many stories of all these people that have lived here for so long. They start talking about the people they know, and their kids, and their grandkids. And I sit there and have no idea what's going on. Some of my friends have known each other almost all of their lives. If it weren't for the internet, I would have no contact with anyone that I knew in high school. (Not that I really talk to them all that much, but that's not the point.) And as for people I knew in grade school? There's no one I still talk to that I knew then.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. On one hand, I want my kids to have a long-term connection with the place they grew up, and have those deep roots in a community. But, on the other hand, I want them to experience different things and different places. To see different places, and go travel and meet different people.

Well, it doesn't matter at the moment, since I'm not dating and don't really have any prospects right now. I should just turn my attention to my calling and my family and not worry about something so nebulous as the future.

I'm glad that August is almost over though. I will be so glad when the temperature drops. And I am really looking forwards to October and the beginning of Fall Ball. I miss watching a baseball game outside. I miss weather, and rain, and wind in the trees. At least when fall ball starts, I'll get cool evenings and baseball that I can just sit back and enjoy, and not be so attached to the outcome.

A case of blahs. But I got better.

It's been a bit of an off week. It started well. I taught Relief Society last Sunday, which went really well. (You should really read this talk. Elder Uchtdorf, "We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down".) Then later that day I got my temple recommend renewed. And I spent three days at my sister's house playing with her kids. Took Angie out to dinner for her birthday, so we came home with really yummy leftovers. So really, it was a good week.

But for some reason, the blahs still struck late in the week. I stayed up late because I was bored and didn't want to go to sleep. Then, in the mornings, I didn't want to get out of bed. I watched random movies and shows and found myself getting weepy. Oh, and I was a little stressed over money, because things were a little tight, and I forgot to file my weekly unemployment claim on Sunday, so the payment was delayed by a day. That sure didn't help. And I haven't heard from the guy this week. Which contributed to the blahs. But really, I'm not surprised he didn't call. Disappointed, but not really surprised.

But today was a good day. Good lesson, good talks. Had a missionary farewell, and he did very well. (I know, I know, we're not supposed to call it that anymore, but really, what else am I supposed to call it?) I stressed over forgetting to get someone to play the piano in Relief Society, but I found someone quite happy to play, even with five minutes notice. (I did take the opportunity to ask her to play for the rest of the month. So I don't have to worry about it for another few weeks.) Then I went to the stake single adult committee meeting. That was a good meeting. Oddly, going to another meeting really helped my mood. But there we go.

Monday my niece starts kindergarten. It's exciting, but I can't believe it's already time for her to go. I'll have to call my sister tomorrow and see how she deals with her oldest starting school.

Anyways, today was a good day. And I decided that I'm going to have a better week. I actually went to the grocery store and bought food. (I haven't done that in a while.) Just knowing that there's food in my cupboards makes me happy. Play with kids, play my video game some more. Read next week's lesson. Study some. I think that's most of my problem, I don't read enough good books. So that's going to be a part of my better week.

And maybe I'll even try to write more often. I'm not guaranteeing anything, so don't hold me to it.

A good week. So far.

Some fun things happened this week.

I found a new friend. Well, she's rather making me be her friend. But it's been a while since I've had a new friend, so why not? And, new friend cuts hair, so I finally got my hair cut. It's short and bouncy again.

Today my roommate and I took my niece to the baseball game. That is some good fun times. Even if she insists on playing at the playgrounds for most of the game. But she got to hug Baxter, and be on the big screen.

The Diamondbacks have won five in a row, and have finally swept a series. It's been more than a year since they won five, and the first series sweep of the year. Hopefully this is a sign of good things to come. Or at least an end of last place.

As a counselor in the Relief Society, part of my responsibilities is to go on visits to the sisters of the ward. As the unmarried counselor, I took our ward's SA rep on visits tonight. Tonight was really the first time I felt like I really knew what I was doing as a representative of the Relief Society, of the ward, and of Heavenly Father. I'd had little glimpses of that in the last few weeks of visits. But tonight was different. We visited two sisters, both divorced, one with 2 girls and the other with 1 boy. And in conversation with the first, the topic turns to marriage and everything. (What else is going to come up when you have 3 single women sitting and chatting? Things like how I'm getting a Stripling Warrior and all that.) And all of a sudden, I'm talking and saying stuff that I've said before, but never to this sister. And I look over and she's leaning forwards and is intent on my words, and I realize that she needed to hear what I had to say. That my calm acceptance of this life is because of the great hope and trust of what the next life holds. And trust in the Plan and Mercy of God. It was a rather awesome moment.

So, yeah, a good week so far. I have an interesting day ahead tomorrow. And more baseball, too. So things are good, and I'm thinking more cheerful thoughts.

See, I told you my next post would be happier! Have a happy rest of the week!

Some random things to make up for not posting in two months.

So it's June already. Still unemployed. But I'm happier about it. After all, now I get regular payments. Things aren't so bad.

Got a new calling. First counselor in the Relief Society presidency. Which is weird, being a single 30-something in a family ward. But it's going well so far. People keep asking me if I'm overwhelmed or nervous or whatever. It's strange, but I don't worry about the teaching or the responsibilities. I worry about having to get to know all the sisters, learn their names, and learn to love them. I don't like meeting new people. I don't like the pressure of learning names and faces and histories. I'll be going visiting this week. The first time as a member of the presidency. I'm sure I'll be fine.

My parents were away this weekend. That means I'm pet-sitting for them. I don't sleep well here anymore. Well, and having to keep my bedroom door open means one of the cats joins me on the bed. Which wakes me up. And having to sleep in a bed that's not my own and is too small and has a mattress that is not right for me. Last night I slept on the couch. It was a much better sleep, even if I did still wake up the same number of times in the night. I'll be sleeping on the couch again. I was about to try to sleep when I remembered that I forgot to file my unemployment for the week. Can't forget that. Then I decided that I needed to get some of these thoughts out of my brain.

There's some other things. But I think I'll save them for later. Just about guys and postsecret and random musings. Maybe by the next time I get online I'll not need to talk about it. Or maybe I'll surprise you and actually have more to say.

Oh! I bought a new dresser a couple weeks ago. From IKEA. I love that place. And I love my dresser. I put it together while watching the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice. It took the entire length of the movie to finish it. But it's so pretty. I had to completely rearrange the boxes stacked around my room to empty the space for it.

Ok, tired now. Going to go to bed. If I don't see you again, have a great June.

(Wait, now that I think about it, I'll be more motivated to post again if I know that I have readers. Post a comment, let me know you noticed that I'm still around. Thanks.)

Callings, music, and cookies

So I got a new calling yesterday at church. Chorister. It's not really going to be a difficult calling. After all, I have for years stood up in front of congregations and waved my arm to the music. I must admit though that the best part of this is that this ward has all of their topics for the speakers lined up already. For the entire year. I could select all the hymns for the year, submit them, and then all I'd have to do is show up on Sunday. I don't think I'll do that, but I could work a couple of months ahead.

I didn't really expect that I would have to work too hard in this calling. After all, I've dealt with the music in the branch for years. I figured that I'd come across most of the regular problems or duties of the calling. Then I was told (in the blessing that goes with the calling) that music has been part of my being even before this life, and that it can/will shape my future. Oh, and that somehow they'd like me to encourage those who don't sing to sing. Especially the Young Men. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do that.

My girl scout cookies were delivered yesterday. I love the randomness of the internet, and finding out random connections between people. For example: I used to visit teach Ginny Potter. She married Colin Moses. Colin's mother had two couches to give away, and her mother announced that fact at church. My roommate then snagged one of the couches. (I love free furniture!) Ginny's sister Stephanie has a blog that I read regularly. Well, one of her daughters was selling girl scout cookies. As I love girl scout cookies, I ordered some. When the delivery of the cookies took place, Stephanie and her family walked into my apartment and recognized my couch. It seems that I now own their old couch. How fun is that?!
.

A good day and a good lesson.

The first week in my new ward, it was already well-known that I played the piano, and could substitute. (I blame Ryan.) My second Sunday I actually was asked to sub in Relief Society. Then later that week, I got a phone call from one of the counselors in the presidency, asking if I'd be willing to teach the next Sunday. My records aren't even in the ward yet, and somehow she got my phone number. (I found out Sunday that the ward website works faster than the clerk's office.)

So, ok, I'll teach. I've never taught Relief Society before. I like the manuals that tell you just what to say and when to say it. This was an entirely new experience for me. I spent my Friday night planning my lesson and writing out my notes. I had one of those great moments of personal revelation, that confirmed the truth of what I was reading, and just really made a deep impression on me.

It was really nice to have finished preparing my lesson on Friday. Then I could fully enjoy my Saturday, and not have to rush back to it.

My records finally made it to my ward. It's nice that I'm an actual member of the ward that I'm teaching in. When they introduced me before I taught, they did make mention of my newness. It got quite a reaction from the crowd. I guess they were all impressed that I would be willing to teach being so new.

It was a good lesson. I made them laugh once or twice. I made a few of them cry. (Which Ryan tells me is the sign of a good Relief Society lesson, how many tears are shed.) They did seem strangely hesitant about volunteering answers, but they are quite willing to read things.

It's interesting, but not surprising, that most comments from married women revolve around children and family and husbands. One thing I've noticed about being in a singles ward for so long is the fact that I'm used to lessons that are not quite so focused on raising children as much as how to become a better person so that in the future I can be a strength to my family. So when I ask questions, I know that their first thoughts and answers are going to be family and children. Which is not a bad thing, but I take it as a personal challenge to make them look beyond that.

Anyway, it was a good lesson. I got lots of compliments afterwards. The presidency was very happy with me, and very happy with my lesson. They said something about wanting to have me involved in Relief Society. Should I be worried? Well, I'm not really. I really like the ward, and I would be glad to do more.

The Relief Society president did mention that I looked so calm and confident while teaching. I don't know that they really believed me when at the beginning of the lesson I said I was nervous. But years of standing up and performing has made me capable of being terrified but still getting up there to do what needs to be done.

taco tuesday

I went to the Glendale Institute for lunch today. Every Tuesday they have all-you-can eat tacos for just a dollar. I figured since I was there, I might as well have lunch. It was a good lunch.

Oh, and the class was good, too. Thanks to my strange and short working hours, I can actually take an Institute class. I didn't really consider it until Sis Weathersby sent out a plea for more students. And then when I looked at the times, it turned out that it fits perfectly into my morning. I might just have to keep going now.

A full brain

There are so many things I want to talk about. So many things are circling around in my head that I just want to get them out. But I don't want to talk about some of them because I really want to stop thinking about them.

I want to talk about the new apartment, and how being in a new place physically is helping me try harder to get in a new place mentally and spiritually. Not to mention making me try to organize my life in all the other mundane daily stuff.

I want to revisit and finish the drafts that I have tucked away.

I'm really curious as to how soon I'll get a calling in my new ward. I certainly wouldn't mind doing something musical, but I would really love to teach again. Except I really wouldn't want to teach the youth or in the primary. Whatever, I'll be happy doing what I'm asked to do. Ok, I'll try to be happy in whatever I'm asked to do.

Everyone always says that you can say no to a calling. I've never been in a spot that I felt that I could turn one down. Although there was that one time that I think I was extended a calling in order for me to introduce the fact that I needed to talk to the Bishop before accepting it...

My room is filled with boxes that I have to go through, yet I want to go to my parents' storage and get more. I miss having all my belongings around me.

I need more furniture. Not that I have place for anything right now (due to the plethora of boxes), but once I parse through the boxes I have, there will be lots of empty space.

I want a brownie. And a camera.

Yeah, I don't think this post made much sense either.

While stalking the blogosphere...

The ex non-boyfriend. I saw that phrase while blog-stalking Thursday (the 18th) morning. The phrase as well as the description of the relationship that went along with that title is quite like my relationship with a guy that has occasionally been known as the Bozo. Well, I don't like calling him a bozo, that was just President Shannon's name for him. But it fits, cause really, he didn't always treat me that well. But that's a nice phrase that I can use for him, when I have to talk about him, which is happily not much anymore. But the next time I mention him, maybe I'll toss that term out.

Friday (the 19th) I found this very funny place: Overheard in the Ward. Apparently people send in funny things that they hear in church. I was going back through some of the older posts and found this gem:

Teacher: So the Brother of Jared saw the finger of the Lord.
Boy #1: Did he pull it?
Boy #2 pensively: That would have, like, destroyed a mountain.

I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Here's another one, and very appropriate for the time of year:

Child: I’ve been praying to Santa that he would bring me a pony for Christmas.
Mom: You can’t pray to Santa. He only accepts letters.
Child: If I pray to Heavenly Father, will he make Santa give me one?

There's more, but I recommend you visit and see for yourself.

And now on Monday the 22nd: An article at NYTimes.com, about the actor Philip Seymour Hoffman. It's a really interesting article, and rather long. But what caught my interest was a quote on the last page of the article. He's talking about why he works so much and so hard, and why he takes such diverse parts. "I try to live my life in such a way that I don’t have profound regrets. That’s probably why I work so much. I don’t want to feel I missed something important." That's just something we should all strive for, to live in a way that we don't end up with those major regrets. Hmm, I have thoughts about regrets, but that needs its own post.

Anyways, that's some of the fun things I've found in the last week or so.

A musical number

So a couple of weeks ago I posted this entry about all the musical stuff that I have to do this month. Yesterday one of the items got checked off the list. I had complained about having to sing in a trio, a song that I had no input in? Well, that's what we sang yesterday. And after the meeting, I felt a bit bad about how I intially felt about it. Especially that I posted my feelings for everyone to see.

We sang in another ward's Relief Society meeting. It was all about Christ, and His birth. We sang at the end of the hour, and had to leave as soon as we finished, because my roommate and I had other meetings to get to. But it was mentioned at the beginning of the meeting that the ward (or maybe just the Relief Society) had dedicated their fast to praying for one sister to be able to get pregnant. Well, I'm aquainted with this sister, and had no idea that she had been having problems. And it seems that there might be other difficulties going on in her life that might or might not be tied to this. (I'm not telling who, because that's just not my business to share.) And then the entire lesson is about the birth of Christ, and how this little baby grew up to be our Savior. And the song we sang is called My Son, My King. All about Mary and her thoughts about her little baby and how He was to save the world.

This forced me to adjust my thinking. To realize that this sister has struggles that I couldn't see. That no matter how strained or stressed or sad she may be, she puts on a cheerful happy face. I think it might have been difficult for her to sit through this meeting, but she stayed, and cried a little (but so did several other people in the room), and participated.

I don't know if I really have a point to make. I've totally lost track of where I was going to go with this. But it's been on my mind all day long, so I thought I would share.

I guess one thing I could learn is to not resent when people ask me to share my talent. I really shouldn't complain when people want me to sing for them. Especially when I get to sing about the Savior. Oh, and to not complain in general. Too often I allow my bad mood to affect the way I treat others. I'm trying to be more aware of this. Well, I guess I need a reminder every so often that I need to be more aware of that. Oh, and to try to remember that everyone has their struggles, and don't let everybody know everything. So I need to not judge people on the outward appearance. Or judge them by their mood or the face they present for others to see. Ok, so I learned lots from yesterday's experience.

Rehearsals, singing, and crankiness.

So we’ve had our fourth rehearsal for the Messiah. I invariably am cranky afterwards. I think that I’ve figured out a couple of the reasons for this.

I sit alone in the Soprano section. All the other people that I know well are in other sections. All the people who enjoy my snarky sarcastic humor are sitting far away. So when I have something to say that makes me laugh, or would make my friends laugh, it must go unsaid because I don’t amuse my neighbors. So all those comments must be kept inside, and builds up the tension.

Inner tension and outward irritability also arises from that music snob that I am. Or the wannabe conductor that I can be. Or just the restless singer that wants to just get on with the rehearsal. Eh, who am I kidding? All three of those parts of me combine during rehearsal. Music snob doesn’t really get involved, since I like what I’m singing. Restless singer and wannabe conductor kind of feed off each other. The singer just wants the rehearsal to proceed smoothly so that we can cover as much ground as possible. The conductor wants to take over the rehearsal and do it all her own way. Whenever the singer starts to get agitated about the rampant lack of discipline, conductor wants to be able to stand up and take control. These conflicting personalities can’t actually do anything about the situation, so by the end of rehearsal, you can imagine how frustrated and restless I might get.

Now that I’ve realized the factors to the crankiness, perhaps I’ll be able to not take it out on other people.

Oh, and I have a whole lot of music that I have to learn or take care of in the next month. There is a lot of stress that I all of a sudden feel.

1. Learn the eleven Messiah choruses.
2. Learn the six Soprano solos (I'm the understudy).
3. Sing in a trio for a favor - a song I'd never heard before, have only sung once, and had no input in the choice. (I'm a little more resentful about this one. I just need to get over it.)
4. Plan the Sacrament Christmas program. (Which actually deserves it's own bulleted list.) Musical numbers, congregational songs, and choir numbers. They don't have to be linked like I've done in the past, but I still need to fill about 30 minutes of time. And I have to direct the choir. Well, I could see if I could get Pierce to do one of the choir numbers. Hmmm.
5. Plan the music for the stake YSA fireside. I guess since the new branch is being organized, they're taking whoever is left in the stake callings that take care of that. So I need to get three musical numbers, the opening and closing music, and the chorister and the pianist.

So lots of fun for me.

Blessings of tithing

There are great blessings that come because of tithing. I think most people now expect a story of how this one time I paid my tithing and got some great life-changing testimony-affirming experience happened. Well, that's not the story I have to tell. I didn't pay my tithing, and I'm glad.

Now before you condemn me for being glad I didn't pay my tithing, let me explain. The Sunday before General Conference, I forgot to bring a check with me to church to give my offerings. I was annoyed, because then I'd have three weeks of tithing and a fast offering to give all on one check two weeks later. It all worked out, but I prefer to give as I get paid. Makes it easier to make sure I keep current with it.

This past weekend was Stake Conference. I managed to remember a check the week before, so that was all good. But this week is a little tight. Not only rent, but baseball tickets were coming out of the same paycheck, so a little shifting of the funds was needed. So the little minor fact of not paying my tithing this week is a great blessing. As soon as the next paycheck comes, everything will be fine, and there will be no worries.

Isn't it funny where you can find blessings if you look for them? Normally, I wouldn't think about how not paying tithing is a blessing, but somehow, this week it is.

Now for a musical moment.

This morning the words of a song came to me while I was getting ready for the day.

If we do what's right we have no need to fear,

The results of the election have caused some interesting reactions. A lot of fear and doubt are popping up all over the place.

For the Lord, our helper, will ever be near;

I for one am not worried. Sure there's a bit of concern, but that would be there no matter who won the presidency. No matter who took office, he would still have to prove himself by living up to the campaign promises and speeches. There is enormous pressure to make things better.

In the days of trial his Saints he will cheer,

In fact, I'm not even disappointed. Or angry. Or convinced that I have to leave the country. (That strikes me as a slight over-reaction. But that's just me.) In my mind, the most important thing was a few pieces of legislation that passed in the states that had it on the ballot. That was the most vital thing to be decided this election.

And prosper the cause of truth.

I know that not everyone will agree with me, and that's fine. I am not disparaging anyone's fears or worries. I know that there is still much to wonder and worry about. But I have always tried to worry as little as possible. Some might not agree with how I deal with this stuff (like by mostly ignoring it), but I do think about it. I just choose to not discuss it and I refuse to worry about something I can't change.

We will not retreat, though our numbers may be few
When compared with the opposite host in view;
But an unseen pow'r will aid me and you
In the glorious cause of truth.

I am a firm and adamant believer in that unseen power. Truth will prevail when that power is on our side. Despite the hate and the fear that has been tossed around the last few months as election day approached, the cause went forward, and was defended. I had worries about that, and I knew that I had to do my part. (In fact, that proposition was the only reason that I registered and voted in my first ever election.)

Fear not, courage, though the enemy deride;
We must be victorious, for the Lord is on our side.
We'll not fear the wicked nor give heed to what they say,
But the Lord, our Heav'nly Father, him alone we will obey.

The Lord is on my side. That gives me a powerful sense of peace. I'm not saying that I'm just going to sit here and trust that all will be well. I know there is much to do to prepare for what will come. One of the writers on my blogroll mentioned food storage this morning. I think that is something I can do, and should do. There are other things that I'm trying to do, or wanting to try to do. But I know that I don't have to fear, because I trust in my Lord and God.

Let us all press on in the work of the Lord,
That when life is o'er we may gain a reward;
In the fight for right let us wield a sword,
The mighty sword of truth.

Fear not, though the enemy deride;
Courage, for the Lord is on our side.
We will heed not what the wicked may say,
But the Lord alone we will obey.

I'm not worried, becasue I know who's side I am on, and I know who is there supporting me.

Some randomness ...

When I find a husband who can sing, then my friends and I will have our own double quartet. Remember when we struggled to fill in those men's slots? We're only missing my mate, and then they're all filled. I need to find a tenor, I think.

I think that I will be happy to move into a family ward. Even if I have to play the organ. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm done with the YSA thing. Come January, family ward here I come. (Might as well make the moves all at once.)

I have a stockpile of tags and things that I want to do but I'm too lazy. I just need to do one a week. Because I keep finding random ones from my blogroll that I just keep adding onto the list.

I got my hair cut last Saturday. I really like it. (I should call Suzzie and tell her that.) It's even more wild and untamable than it was before. Especially if I fluff the curls. It's fun. And way shorter than it's been in years. In fact, I don't think it's been this short for more than two decades. I really need to get some good pictures of it.

It's a good thing my hair wasn't cut any shorter. I have a fear of getting my hair cut, and I have a greater fear of looking like Little Orphan Annie. But it's just long enough to not form a big red curly afro. If it was just a couple of inches shorter, I think I would be wearing hats or be straightening it everyday.

I'm actually looking forwards to dressing up tonight. I'm pretty sure I'm going to look completely unlike myself. I'm even going to let people take pictures of me. I've got to have a record of this.

Hmm, I think I'm out of randomness for now.