A good week. So far.

Some fun things happened this week.

I found a new friend. Well, she's rather making me be her friend. But it's been a while since I've had a new friend, so why not? And, new friend cuts hair, so I finally got my hair cut. It's short and bouncy again.

Today my roommate and I took my niece to the baseball game. That is some good fun times. Even if she insists on playing at the playgrounds for most of the game. But she got to hug Baxter, and be on the big screen.

The Diamondbacks have won five in a row, and have finally swept a series. It's been more than a year since they won five, and the first series sweep of the year. Hopefully this is a sign of good things to come. Or at least an end of last place.

As a counselor in the Relief Society, part of my responsibilities is to go on visits to the sisters of the ward. As the unmarried counselor, I took our ward's SA rep on visits tonight. Tonight was really the first time I felt like I really knew what I was doing as a representative of the Relief Society, of the ward, and of Heavenly Father. I'd had little glimpses of that in the last few weeks of visits. But tonight was different. We visited two sisters, both divorced, one with 2 girls and the other with 1 boy. And in conversation with the first, the topic turns to marriage and everything. (What else is going to come up when you have 3 single women sitting and chatting? Things like how I'm getting a Stripling Warrior and all that.) And all of a sudden, I'm talking and saying stuff that I've said before, but never to this sister. And I look over and she's leaning forwards and is intent on my words, and I realize that she needed to hear what I had to say. That my calm acceptance of this life is because of the great hope and trust of what the next life holds. And trust in the Plan and Mercy of God. It was a rather awesome moment.

So, yeah, a good week so far. I have an interesting day ahead tomorrow. And more baseball, too. So things are good, and I'm thinking more cheerful thoughts.

See, I told you my next post would be happier! Have a happy rest of the week!

Ponderings and Musings - Updated

Regrets and memories are funny things.

Some events I wish I could go back and change. Some things I wish I could undo. Foolishness or carelessness, little things and big things. Usually I wish I could just erase the memory, because it's irritating to dwell on something that I can't change. I dislike thinking of things that make me feel foolish.

Some memories I pull out and look over often. I'll linger over them, replay them, and often try to rearrange things.

Some of those memories I linger over also have regrets attached to them. And I'm quite sure that I'm not the only one to ever do that, look back and regret and wish.

But the strangest thing about my regrets? Sometimes I wish I had more of them.

If I can't go back and undo a mistake, I wish I had made more of them.

As those mistakes shaped who I am now, would one or two more make a difference?

Part of me wants to tell you the mistakes I'm thinking of, but there would be no real point in it. Why should I drag you into those memories of mistakes, which could only be weird and uncomfortable for you. And if those mistakes have been fixed or smoothed over or gotten over, why should I bring them up?

I don't really fall into this mindset very often, and it annoys me when I do. But I wondered. Do any of you wish that you had made more mistakes, made different wrong choices? You don't have to tell me what they are, but it would be nice to know that I'm not the only one who does this.

(I know this is kind of a downer of a post. Next time I'll try to talk about more positive things.)

UPDATED: Since I don't know who all reads the comments, I wanted to make sure this showed up. Kristi commented and said the following: "I wish I had taken more opportunities that could have turned into regrets. I wish I had done more when I was younger. Taken more chances." That's such a better way of looking at all this. And it put me thinking in a different direction, which is always good.

I dunno

Ok, so I'm unemployed. I've really been enjoying this time off. I've even been productive, most days. Some days. Whatever.

My dad wants me to send him my resume so he can submit it to whoever for a job opening. So I go and take a look at it. (Honestly, I had to go write it.) And I just don't want to. I just don't want to go back to work. More importantly, I do not want to go back into an office. I haven't figured out what I want to do, and I need to get on that. But the idea of going back into an office and sitting at a desk all day makes me want to cry.

I just don't know what I'm going to do about it. Well, I better finish the resume and send it off and just see what happens.

Good times, baseball, circling thoughts, and a new plan.

It was a nice day. Yesterday was good, too. But my brain keeps circling around things I don't want to think about.

Yesterday I was not needed by my brother-in-law, so I spent my afternoon playing with his kids. (By the way, my bro-in-law is in school to be a dental hygenist, and needs patients. If you can spare $25 and 3 or 4 visits at 4 hours each during the week, you're promised a very clean set of teeth. Oh, and he needs a special needs patient, and pregnant women fall into that category. So if any of you pregnant friends can go, that would be great.)

So playing with my nieces and nephew. They are such great kids. I have such fun when I go and play with them. One of these days I'll post a picture of them. Sister took a nap when her two youngest do while I play video games with the oldest. Then we all pile into my little car to go to dinner. Bath time and then bed time. Scriptures and stories. Good times. (My sister is such a good Mom. I hope I can be like her.)

And the weather has been just fantastic lately. Tonight was another baseball game. Great game, lots of hits, lots of runs. Two wins in a row. And fireworks too!

But as I was driving home, my good mood wandered away. I start thinking about guys and wondering about guys I've dated, wondering how they are and stuff. Which is a pointless exercise. But it's been bothering me the last week or so. I'm not quite sure why. Prolly just my complete lack of a dating life at the moment. But as I'm driving home, I just want to go faster and faster, as if I could possibly outrun my thoughts.

Well, I just need to think about other things. I have my calling to occupy me. I need to study lessons and handbooks, and get my focus on something else. So that's the plan. Play with kids and study scripture. Stay busy. That should work. It will work. I'll let you know.

Hey, I have readers! And then I talk of baseball.

Hey look at that! I have readers. And hey, look at me, posting two days in a row! Well technically twice in one day. Whatever. Twice in one month. There, I can be happy with that.

Anyways, I was going to respond in the comments, but then I changed my mind. I know I keep my eye on the comments if I leave one, but I don't know if anyone else does.

Whatever. Do I have a point today? I don't know. I'll try to find one.

Kristi, you wanted to hear about boys. There really isn't anything to tell. At least there are no current boys to talk about. So if I talk about guys, and there's nothing in the present, I have only the past to bring up. And really, who wants to go there?

So I'm watching the baseball game as I write this. It's been a rough season so far. Anyone want to go to some games? Don't get me wrong, I still love to go. I still cheer, I still have hope that they can win. It's just easier when different people come. Wouldn't that be a great way for us all to catch up? I can turn in tickets and get a bunch of tickets together for one game. Anyone interested in that? That would be so fun! Yes, lets do this! Let me know if you want to do that. They're in town this week, 9-14, and again 23-28. Or I can tell you about July and August.

My parents are getting burned out on going to nearly every game. Soon they'll cut back to Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays. So I'm going to need some company.

Every game has so much potential. After all, in every game you have a chance to see something you've never seen before. No matter what happened the day before, every time I walk into the ballpark, I know they can win. Whether they do or not doesn't matter. But they have an opportunity every day to win and to do better than the day before. And we have that same chance. Every day we have a chance to do better than we did the day before.

Look at that. A ramble turning to baseball, and then finding life lessons out of baseball. Good times.

One more time: if you want to go to a game, or get a group together, I would be more than happy to arrange it. It's so much fun going as a group.

Game over. A sad loss. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, another chance.

Some random things to make up for not posting in two months.

So it's June already. Still unemployed. But I'm happier about it. After all, now I get regular payments. Things aren't so bad.

Got a new calling. First counselor in the Relief Society presidency. Which is weird, being a single 30-something in a family ward. But it's going well so far. People keep asking me if I'm overwhelmed or nervous or whatever. It's strange, but I don't worry about the teaching or the responsibilities. I worry about having to get to know all the sisters, learn their names, and learn to love them. I don't like meeting new people. I don't like the pressure of learning names and faces and histories. I'll be going visiting this week. The first time as a member of the presidency. I'm sure I'll be fine.

My parents were away this weekend. That means I'm pet-sitting for them. I don't sleep well here anymore. Well, and having to keep my bedroom door open means one of the cats joins me on the bed. Which wakes me up. And having to sleep in a bed that's not my own and is too small and has a mattress that is not right for me. Last night I slept on the couch. It was a much better sleep, even if I did still wake up the same number of times in the night. I'll be sleeping on the couch again. I was about to try to sleep when I remembered that I forgot to file my unemployment for the week. Can't forget that. Then I decided that I needed to get some of these thoughts out of my brain.

There's some other things. But I think I'll save them for later. Just about guys and postsecret and random musings. Maybe by the next time I get online I'll not need to talk about it. Or maybe I'll surprise you and actually have more to say.

Oh! I bought a new dresser a couple weeks ago. From IKEA. I love that place. And I love my dresser. I put it together while watching the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice. It took the entire length of the movie to finish it. But it's so pretty. I had to completely rearrange the boxes stacked around my room to empty the space for it.

Ok, tired now. Going to go to bed. If I don't see you again, have a great June.

(Wait, now that I think about it, I'll be more motivated to post again if I know that I have readers. Post a comment, let me know you noticed that I'm still around. Thanks.)

A short(ish) complaint.

I am so tired of unemployment. I am still enjoying doing nothing, but I really hate the lack of income. And the unemployment system is overburdened, so much so that I've been trying to talk to a person for a week and all I get are recorded voices telling me that their volume is so high that they cannot help me and I should hang up and call later. Then when I finally get through this afternoon, I have to sit through 4 minutes of recording to find out that the system is having problems and I should hang up and call later. And to top it all, my cell phone can't ever get through to the help line. So I have to go to my parents' house to use their phone. I'm just going to have to go to one of the offices to actually talk to someone.

I miss having the internet at home. And being able to be online all day at my former job. Every time I hang out at the parents I just goof off, I can't seem to get anything productive done. I got really discouraged this afternoon. Most of it is annoyance at myself and my lack of motivation.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. I'll go to the unemployment office and hopefully take care of the problem. Then I can turn my attention to other things.

I don't really complain to anyone about this. I really don't like to talk about it. But I'm tired of having this worry taking over my thoughts.

Whatever. I still know that everything will work out. Somehow. Even if I have to move in with my parents (which no one wants to see happen), I'll be able to get along. But I'm going to have to work harder to do whatever I can to get things smoother. So, I will.

And next time I'll have something more cheerful to say.