I have news...

Have you ever seen Return to Me? Minnie Driver and David Duchoveny? Heart transplants?

Anyway, early on, these two character meet. She runs over to her best friend's house in the middle of the night to tell best friend that she met someone. She was so excited to have finally met a guy that seemed to have potential and was interested and everything.

So imagine me in an excited whisper: "I met someone. I just wanted you to know."

EDIT: Oh, and he's musical, too! I think I might have finally met someone who could take part in that double quartet.

Early morning rambles.....

Good morning, internets.

I didn't sleep much tonight. My head is full of weirdness. I finally decided to get out of bed at 5am and have something to eat. And maybe I can vent some of this whatever and go to sleep.

Tonight I am singing with a choir that is presenting parts of Handel's Messiah. This will be the third year in a row that I get to take part in singing this music. I love The Messiah. However, my experience with this choir has not been my favorite. In fact, I believe this choir is the most amateur choir or performing group I have ever been a part of. (Well, I guess I should say been part of as an adult, as I'm sure middle school band qualifies as very amateur.) The rehearsals have been trying. One of the (two) conductors is hard to follow. Odd hand signals and arm movements. Constant starting and stopping while rehearsing. But worst of all, to my mind, is the behavior of the choir members.

Some of my friends have sung in several different choirs, both in school and in church. Some of my friends have been in choirs with me. Some have been in choirs that I've conducted. They know how mean I am, and what kind of behavior I expect from my choirs. Even if I'm not conducting, my singing friends know what kind of courtesy should be extended during a rehearsal. However, the people in this choir I am singing with seem to have no idea how to properly behave during a rehearsal. And I don't think they really understand musical etiquette at all. For instance, not turning pages while the orchestra is playing, or the soloists are singing. Or learning how to quietly turn the page. Or learning how to NOT turn the page when there is absolute silence in the room.

There is really so much to vent on, but if I relate everything, I'll get all angry and worked up all over again. So I won't mention the three sopranos who are constantly talking and barely manage to shut up in order to sing. (If they talked just a little bit louder, I'd be able to participate in the conversation.) Or the one lady who sings very loudly and slightly out-of-tune. (In my ear!) Or the conductors who must be slightly deaf to not notice the constant chattering that goes on everywhere. Or the conductors who have not done enough to impress upon people the sacredness of this music, and thus the respect they should have for learning it. But I'm not going to mention any of it.

Another thing bothering me this morning is about guys, three in particular. I'll refer to them as the short guy, the married guy, and the bearded guy. The bearded guy is one that I've met just recently, but was the most interesting guy at an activity I went to. But alas, I found out last night, thanks to facebook, that he is now in a relationship. I am a little disappointed. But as I just met him, I can just shrug him off. But the other two.... I had been hoping that the short one could distract me from the married one (who might become not married, but who knows how long that might take), but shorty is being a doofus, so I'm irritated at him. I had thought that maybe there was potential for a real relationship, but he's not doing anything about it. And I guess part of me hoped that if I was in a relationship, or was even in the tentative beginnings of possibility, I wouldn't think so much about the married one, or worry so about him.

I was watching tv last night, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was on. I just cannot watch that movie any more. I much prefer the LEGO video game version of it.

Hmm, well, I'm still awake and not really that tired. Maybe I'll go upstairs and try to read. Or maybe turn my video game back on. And looking back over this post, I really need to start writing about more cheerful, happy things. Maybe later, after church, and hopefully a short nap.

I am feeling...

out-of-sorts. Isn't that an odd phrase? You don't say "in sorts". But still, my head is filled with weird and annoying thoughts, and I can't think of a word or phrase to adequately describe it.

cranky. I dislike being cranky and then telling people about it. Because sometimes I don't want to explain all the weirdness that's going on in my head. So what do I say, other than being in a random bad mood?

talkative. But only if I can talk to specific people right now. I mean, my sister has already heard some of it, so I don't want to tread the same ground with her. And if I start talking to just about anyone, then I'll just vent and be totally unproductive (see cranky and out-of-sorts above). But if I could talk to the specific people I want to talk to, then some of these weird thoughts and feelings could (hopefully) get resolved.

(I'm sure all of you understand that the only thing that could create this level of cranky, talkative, and weirdness is when there are guy problems. And there's two of them that are bothering me at the moment. So all the usual problems are multiplied.)

(But I am going to stop talking about that, because I want to get in a good mood. So to continue with other feelings...)

grateful. (It seems odd for me to add this now, but with Thanksgiving just past, I have to say something about it. Especially because I was thinking about writing a post a week or so ago, but I never got around to it. So I'm going to mention some of it here.) I am grateful for reminders of mortality. For instance, funerals. I went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know the lady well, but I had been asked to play a musical number. It was a lovely funeral, as things go, but very weepy. And it made me start thinking about how I might be remembered. Ok, maybe one thing that people will remember about me is that I'm sarcastic and cranky. But there are funny stories, too, right? And surely stories about sports, late nights in parking lots, and music. My laughter will sure to have a special mention. At least, I hope so. But I hope there are smiles and happy memories to share.

grateful. (I needed to make a paragraph break, but I'm grateful for more than just funerals.) I went to an FHE before Thanksgiving, and we all had to share three things we were thankful for. There are so many things, like the Gospel, the Church, the temple, my family, my friends, my health, my paid-for car, etc. But I am especially grateful for living in these days, with all of technology at our fingertips. I love the internet, reading blogs, comics, facebook. I'm not the most social of people, and being able to comfortably listen on my friends' lives is quite nice. And I appreciate when people comment (here or on facebook, or on forums) and validate my online existence. Actually, my online behavior is pretty much the same as my in-person behavior. I'll still just listen to most things, and only occasionally comment. The only difference is that I'm slightly (or maybe extremely) more sarcastic in person. (It was once again pointed out to me that I shouldn't be sarcastic and teasing in text, because the person I was speaking with doesn't know me well enough to recognize my teasing if we're not face to face. Then again, he might not have recognized it face to face either, I don't know.) (Sorry, little digression there.)

better. I do feel better now than I did when I first started writing. Of course, I did eat dinner, and that always helps lift my mood. But I need to remember that when I write things out, I feel better. It doesn't seem to matter which format I use, whether it's a paper journal, this blog, or a magna-doodle. If I write it down, I can purge the thoughts that keep circling.

contemplative. I had a conversation last Friday that really affected me. Well, there was a 24-hour period from Thanksgiving afternoon to Friday night that has really made me take a hard look at myself. Have you ever ignored a problem for so long that you forgot about it, or buried it in so much other stuff that you forget why it was such a problem? Or even pretended that it wasn't a problem? And then get smacked in the face and forced to see that problem and realize that now you have to deal with the results? That was my weekend. So I have had to revisit a lot of things. And I'm trying to change some of my habits so that I can be happier. And that leads me back to...

grateful. For the Gospel, for the Atonement. And for a loving Heavenly Father, and an endlessly generous and kind Savior.

I guess I needed to vent after all. Thanks for listening.