A new path

I was laid off from my job last week. Now before you give me all the consoling comments, please be aware that I am so very happy about this. I had been at this job for nearly 5 years. I haven't really been happy there for quite a while. A month or so before Christmas, my hours were cut from 40 to 27.5 a week. And I know that several times over the last few months, there have been concerns on whether or not I'd get paid. Finally, just over a week ago, I got an email saying that not only would payroll be late, that my hours would get cut even further. Down to 16.5. I was fully prepared to have to talk my boss into laying me off, but he made that decision before I had to talk to him about it.

I cannot explain how happy I was to leave that place. To clean out my desk, to lock the doors and the gate for the last time. I don't ever have to go back there. It is the best feeling.

I spent two days last week playing with my younger sister's kids. I'm going to be babysitting them tomorrow. I went to a baseball game on Friday, and now I can go to a few more games in the next couple weeks. Maybe I'll go to Mesa and spend some time in the temple this week before it closes for two. I have boxes to go through. I could finish hanging my pictures in my apartment. I know I'm going to spend time playing video games and I know that I'll be visiting my parents' house to be able to get online. I can go to the gym more often and for longer.

I am so happy.

Granted I might get bored soon, but I am going to enjoy doing nothing for a little while.

I will be looking for a job, but I really need to figure out what I want to do. That's why the title of the post. I need a new direction, a new path in my professional life. I wouldn't mind going back to retail, but I have really enjoyed not working nights or weekends. I could go back into an office, sit at a desk all day. But I have to like what I'm doing, or at least like who I'm working with. I'll have to think about it.

But that will be next week. This week I'm going to relax and enjoy myself.

so tired

Yesterday was a very long day. I'm not used to being home so early in the afternoon yet. So at 3 in the afternoon, I think it's 5. The day just keeps going and going. That's not always a bad thing, but it wasn't a good thing yesterday.

I had a hard time settling on something to do. Food first. Then I took a book out onto the patio. (I love our patio. It's bigger and it faces south, so I can read until the sun goes down. And the recliner is oh so comfy!) So I read, and occasionally daydreamed.

I've realized what my biggest weakness is. (Well, one of the biggest. And the only one I'm going to share.) I don't really like looking ahead too far. In fact, I spend a lot of time looking backwards. I dwell on what was, on what could have been, or what I wish I did. And I can't change anything, so why am I looking back so much?

Anyway, after it got too dark to read on the porch I went inside. Then I amused my roommate by wandering around the room. I couldn't figure out what to do. But I would occasionally stop and stare out the window. And when I let my mind empty, I found that I would turn back to my contemplation of the past. And I didn't want to do that.

When I finally went to go to bed, I wasn't really that tired. So I read some more. Then I fiddled with the topics and hymns for the next couple of months at church. Then I finally lay down and try to doze off. I found that I started thinking about the guy I had dated last summer. I haven't thought about him much lately. I haven't really wanted to. But somehow my mind kept replaying the last time I saw him. Things he said, things I said, the way he acted. I think I finally figured out why it ended.

I finally turn off the light at about 2am. Then it seems I can't fall asleep. Then there's strange dreams. Then I wake up at 6am, starving. A piece of bread later, I still can't sleep. I've been awake since. But at least the workday is almost over. I can leave soon, go to the store, and lie down. (Lay down? I'm not sure which one.)

Geeze! So many words for a simple problem. Stayed up too late. Restless sleep. Weird dreams. A too early awakening. Hungry.

And I'm zoning out in front of the computer. Oh well, at least I have tomorrow off. I think I'm going to a baseball game. Baseball makes everything better.
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My Couch

Apparently my couch has a longer and more involved story than I thought. Go and read about The Giving Couch.

Isn't that just awesome?

Callings, music, and cookies

So I got a new calling yesterday at church. Chorister. It's not really going to be a difficult calling. After all, I have for years stood up in front of congregations and waved my arm to the music. I must admit though that the best part of this is that this ward has all of their topics for the speakers lined up already. For the entire year. I could select all the hymns for the year, submit them, and then all I'd have to do is show up on Sunday. I don't think I'll do that, but I could work a couple of months ahead.

I didn't really expect that I would have to work too hard in this calling. After all, I've dealt with the music in the branch for years. I figured that I'd come across most of the regular problems or duties of the calling. Then I was told (in the blessing that goes with the calling) that music has been part of my being even before this life, and that it can/will shape my future. Oh, and that somehow they'd like me to encourage those who don't sing to sing. Especially the Young Men. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do that.

My girl scout cookies were delivered yesterday. I love the randomness of the internet, and finding out random connections between people. For example: I used to visit teach Ginny Potter. She married Colin Moses. Colin's mother had two couches to give away, and her mother announced that fact at church. My roommate then snagged one of the couches. (I love free furniture!) Ginny's sister Stephanie has a blog that I read regularly. Well, one of her daughters was selling girl scout cookies. As I love girl scout cookies, I ordered some. When the delivery of the cookies took place, Stephanie and her family walked into my apartment and recognized my couch. It seems that I now own their old couch. How fun is that?!
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Avoidance

I haven't posted for a while. I haven't even checked my blogroll for a couple of weeks because everytime I sign in I see how long it's been since I posted.

I keep thinking about the 3 or so drafts I have tucked away. And thoughts just keep swirling around and around. I want to put them all down, but I have no discipline.

Things are a little bit stressful right now. I've been trying not to think about it. But I suppose I'm going about it all the wrong way, by completely avoiding the things that are bothering me. If I could just figure out what I could do to help myself, or even start to help solve the problem, my mental state would probably even out a little bit.

Eh, whatever, I'm not going to dwell on it overmuch. Well, that's a lie, because I certainly will think about it and worry, but I don't really want to share everything here. Instead I'll try to finish up those drafts I have stewing and get them out of my head.

As I look out the window of the office, I can see that the sky has clouded over. It's getting a bit dark and looks a bit like rain.

I wish it would rain. Then I could go stand out in it and try to let the stress wash off.

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