so i'm curious...

I was wondering, how do you define a fight? I mean in a relationship, husband and wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, or I guess even between two friends. Does it have to include shouting and raised voices? Hurtful words exchanged? Or could it just be when you both get so mad at each other that you have to call a timeout so you can calm down?

Cause if a fight can be the last part, then I have to tell you that me and Corey had our first fight. Which is ok, it had to happen sometime. It actually happened nearly three weeks ago. But today and last night I started thinking about it.

So honestly, what do you consider a fight? What do you do to resolve it? I think we handled ours well, but I,m curious as to your thoughts.

some deep thoughts

I have been going through some old computer files lately.  One folder was full of emails and im conversations that i had with one particular guy.  And reading those files, those words that I wrote made me sorry and sad. Because it was part of a relationship that went nowhere, with a guy who I allowed to keep hurting me over and over.

And it made me think about this relationship that I'm in now. Corey is the best guy I've ever dated. And I can talk to him and feel comfortable saying anything to. Well, that's not exactly true. I can relax and be goofy and silly and a dork and I know that he still loves me. There will always be things that I won't be able to say to him, but that's what girlfriends are for, right?

But he listens to me when I'm upset.  He will change his plans, sacrifice his needs for mine. He is just the best guy i've ever known.

More computer time needed

So I really need to update my blog layout and profile.  I just don't spend as much time on the computer anymore.  That blog list needs a cleaning, too.  And I guess I could do something about my facebook profile, too.
And it's been awkward at home recently.  My parents are somewhat disapproving that my relationship with Corey has moved forward so rapidly.  Which I can understand, because they are concerned parents who love me.  But I'm so sure of him, and so sure that being with him is the right thing.
And I've been busy with my sewing and quilting projects.  I am seriously excited about all my projects.  I need to post some pictures soon.  Hmm, I need to borrow mom's camera again.
Anyway, I've been having fun, been busy hiding, I mean working in the craftroom.  Spending time talking to Corey, driving to see him, driving home from seeing him, thinking about him.  Occasionally going to the gym.  I haven't spent much time with my sister and her kids the last couple of weeks, I really need to play with the kids some more. 
That's a goal for this week, spend more time playing with kids.  And pictures to post.  Two goals.  We'll see.  Hmm, also profiles to update.  Wait, wait, I don't want to get too ambitious.  I still need to empty my old phone so I can cancel that number, and I still haven't let everyone know the new number.  Oh, so if I haven't sent you my new number yet, and you want it, comment here or message me on facebook.  Ok, that's enough of a list for the next few days.  We'll see what happens.

Has it been a month already?

Tomorrow it will be one month since I met Corey. This past Sunday we went to a fireside in Mesa, at the same place where we met. Last month, I knew one person and my expectations were rather low on the enjoyment/meeting new people scale. This month, I was there with the one person I wanted to be with, and my expectations of enjoyment were rather high. And it was a great message, full of meaning for both of us. What a difference a month makes.

It's funny, I always smirked a little bit at those people who met someone and practically the next day they were engaged, or knew they were going to get married. I never really expected that I was going to be like that. If Corey was a member of the church then I'd probably be announcing my wedding date. But he's not a member, so we're waiting until he is able to be baptized.

At the fireside on Sunday, the speaker talked about the trials we go through. That sometimes they are because it's life, because of our poor decisions, or because of others' poor decisions. And that sometimes all the preparation, all the studying and praying that you've done, is to prepare you for dealing with the hardships of your life, and the trials associated with it.

Anyways, I'm not going to be telling you much about the specific trials we are going to go through, but I will keep gushing about how happy I am. And I am happy. All morning we were sending sappy text messages back and forth. He is so sweet and good to me. I found a guy that knows about cars, so I might not ever have to visit a mechanic again. He's handy, and knows how to build things and use power tools. He likes to cook, but hates to clean. Which is ok, because cooking stresses me out, and I'm happy to clean up after my own personal chef. He plays the guitar and sings to me all the time. He makes me laugh, and loves to hear me laugh, and loves to see me happy. Most importantly, he has an incredible testimony and love for God. He knows that he needs the church and the Gospel and the Atonement in his life.

And a really neat thing? He loves the missionaries and spending time with them. He loves spending time on the Temple grounds. We plan on spending our Friday nights at the Visitor's Center, watching videos with the elders. So if you ever want to meet him, you can find us there every Friday night. Married folks, find a babysitter and make it a date night. My single friends, come and hang out with us.

A Very Happy New Year

I don't know about you, but this last Christmas and New Years have been the best ever.

A week before Christmas, I went to a fireside in Mesa. Now, normally I avoid firesides, and I don't think I've gone to one in well over a year. But I didn't have anything else to do that Sunday night, and had been used to having been occupied on Sunday nights for the previous couple of months. And the last time I considered going to a Single Adult fireside, I talked myself out of going. But this time was different. I went, fully expecting to not know anyone, or if I was lucky, to know only one person. Turns out I did know one person there, and he introduced me to a couple of other women. Well, I talk to one sister, and we're hanging out by the stage, talking and laughing. At least, I was laughing. Most of you know my laugh, loud and echoing in a half-full gym. So eventually, a guy comes up to us, starts talking.

Apparently he had been there for 30 minutes, trying to decide who to talk to. And since we seemed to be having a real good time, he came up to us. And he and I hit it off so well. We talked for at least 2 hours that night. We talked for 3 hours on the phone Monday, 3-1/2 hours Tuesday, we visited the Temple Lights on Wednesday and talked till 2am, Thursday was another 3 hours, Friday (Christmas Eve) I go over and we sit and talk till midnight, Saturday we go to the home of a woman in his ward, and again, I'm with him for hours.

We have so much in common. The same favorites of so many things, like food, cookies, and music. We have this great spiritual connection, too. We've shared our testimonies, our beliefs, ideas for the future, and plans for implementing scripture study and reading. And he's just so sweet and kind and funny. He gets my sense of humor, I don't have to hold back my sarcasm too much, he's goofy and silly. He loves music, he's singing all the time. Doing little random dances, talks like Kermit the Frog. I have so much fun with him.

Last week was more of the same. I saw him Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. We talk everyday. We've talked so much that I went over my minutes on my phone. Last night we went to Costco and I got a new phone with a plan on Verizon, because nearly everyone I know (including him and my family) are on Verizon.

The only downside (well, not the only one, but a major one) is that he isn't actually a member of the Church yet. And he needs to wait for permission to get baptized. So a major obstacle, but I see such a bright future with him, that I'm going to wait and see what happens next with him.

But just so you know, I am so completely happy when I am with him, or talk to him. It's only a week and a half, but I seriously can't imagine life with out him.

I have news...

Have you ever seen Return to Me? Minnie Driver and David Duchoveny? Heart transplants?

Anyway, early on, these two character meet. She runs over to her best friend's house in the middle of the night to tell best friend that she met someone. She was so excited to have finally met a guy that seemed to have potential and was interested and everything.

So imagine me in an excited whisper: "I met someone. I just wanted you to know."

EDIT: Oh, and he's musical, too! I think I might have finally met someone who could take part in that double quartet.

Early morning rambles.....

Good morning, internets.

I didn't sleep much tonight. My head is full of weirdness. I finally decided to get out of bed at 5am and have something to eat. And maybe I can vent some of this whatever and go to sleep.

Tonight I am singing with a choir that is presenting parts of Handel's Messiah. This will be the third year in a row that I get to take part in singing this music. I love The Messiah. However, my experience with this choir has not been my favorite. In fact, I believe this choir is the most amateur choir or performing group I have ever been a part of. (Well, I guess I should say been part of as an adult, as I'm sure middle school band qualifies as very amateur.) The rehearsals have been trying. One of the (two) conductors is hard to follow. Odd hand signals and arm movements. Constant starting and stopping while rehearsing. But worst of all, to my mind, is the behavior of the choir members.

Some of my friends have sung in several different choirs, both in school and in church. Some of my friends have been in choirs with me. Some have been in choirs that I've conducted. They know how mean I am, and what kind of behavior I expect from my choirs. Even if I'm not conducting, my singing friends know what kind of courtesy should be extended during a rehearsal. However, the people in this choir I am singing with seem to have no idea how to properly behave during a rehearsal. And I don't think they really understand musical etiquette at all. For instance, not turning pages while the orchestra is playing, or the soloists are singing. Or learning how to quietly turn the page. Or learning how to NOT turn the page when there is absolute silence in the room.

There is really so much to vent on, but if I relate everything, I'll get all angry and worked up all over again. So I won't mention the three sopranos who are constantly talking and barely manage to shut up in order to sing. (If they talked just a little bit louder, I'd be able to participate in the conversation.) Or the one lady who sings very loudly and slightly out-of-tune. (In my ear!) Or the conductors who must be slightly deaf to not notice the constant chattering that goes on everywhere. Or the conductors who have not done enough to impress upon people the sacredness of this music, and thus the respect they should have for learning it. But I'm not going to mention any of it.

Another thing bothering me this morning is about guys, three in particular. I'll refer to them as the short guy, the married guy, and the bearded guy. The bearded guy is one that I've met just recently, but was the most interesting guy at an activity I went to. But alas, I found out last night, thanks to facebook, that he is now in a relationship. I am a little disappointed. But as I just met him, I can just shrug him off. But the other two.... I had been hoping that the short one could distract me from the married one (who might become not married, but who knows how long that might take), but shorty is being a doofus, so I'm irritated at him. I had thought that maybe there was potential for a real relationship, but he's not doing anything about it. And I guess part of me hoped that if I was in a relationship, or was even in the tentative beginnings of possibility, I wouldn't think so much about the married one, or worry so about him.

I was watching tv last night, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was on. I just cannot watch that movie any more. I much prefer the LEGO video game version of it.

Hmm, well, I'm still awake and not really that tired. Maybe I'll go upstairs and try to read. Or maybe turn my video game back on. And looking back over this post, I really need to start writing about more cheerful, happy things. Maybe later, after church, and hopefully a short nap.

I am feeling...

out-of-sorts. Isn't that an odd phrase? You don't say "in sorts". But still, my head is filled with weird and annoying thoughts, and I can't think of a word or phrase to adequately describe it.

cranky. I dislike being cranky and then telling people about it. Because sometimes I don't want to explain all the weirdness that's going on in my head. So what do I say, other than being in a random bad mood?

talkative. But only if I can talk to specific people right now. I mean, my sister has already heard some of it, so I don't want to tread the same ground with her. And if I start talking to just about anyone, then I'll just vent and be totally unproductive (see cranky and out-of-sorts above). But if I could talk to the specific people I want to talk to, then some of these weird thoughts and feelings could (hopefully) get resolved.

(I'm sure all of you understand that the only thing that could create this level of cranky, talkative, and weirdness is when there are guy problems. And there's two of them that are bothering me at the moment. So all the usual problems are multiplied.)

(But I am going to stop talking about that, because I want to get in a good mood. So to continue with other feelings...)

grateful. (It seems odd for me to add this now, but with Thanksgiving just past, I have to say something about it. Especially because I was thinking about writing a post a week or so ago, but I never got around to it. So I'm going to mention some of it here.) I am grateful for reminders of mortality. For instance, funerals. I went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know the lady well, but I had been asked to play a musical number. It was a lovely funeral, as things go, but very weepy. And it made me start thinking about how I might be remembered. Ok, maybe one thing that people will remember about me is that I'm sarcastic and cranky. But there are funny stories, too, right? And surely stories about sports, late nights in parking lots, and music. My laughter will sure to have a special mention. At least, I hope so. But I hope there are smiles and happy memories to share.

grateful. (I needed to make a paragraph break, but I'm grateful for more than just funerals.) I went to an FHE before Thanksgiving, and we all had to share three things we were thankful for. There are so many things, like the Gospel, the Church, the temple, my family, my friends, my health, my paid-for car, etc. But I am especially grateful for living in these days, with all of technology at our fingertips. I love the internet, reading blogs, comics, facebook. I'm not the most social of people, and being able to comfortably listen on my friends' lives is quite nice. And I appreciate when people comment (here or on facebook, or on forums) and validate my online existence. Actually, my online behavior is pretty much the same as my in-person behavior. I'll still just listen to most things, and only occasionally comment. The only difference is that I'm slightly (or maybe extremely) more sarcastic in person. (It was once again pointed out to me that I shouldn't be sarcastic and teasing in text, because the person I was speaking with doesn't know me well enough to recognize my teasing if we're not face to face. Then again, he might not have recognized it face to face either, I don't know.) (Sorry, little digression there.)

better. I do feel better now than I did when I first started writing. Of course, I did eat dinner, and that always helps lift my mood. But I need to remember that when I write things out, I feel better. It doesn't seem to matter which format I use, whether it's a paper journal, this blog, or a magna-doodle. If I write it down, I can purge the thoughts that keep circling.

contemplative. I had a conversation last Friday that really affected me. Well, there was a 24-hour period from Thanksgiving afternoon to Friday night that has really made me take a hard look at myself. Have you ever ignored a problem for so long that you forgot about it, or buried it in so much other stuff that you forget why it was such a problem? Or even pretended that it wasn't a problem? And then get smacked in the face and forced to see that problem and realize that now you have to deal with the results? That was my weekend. So I have had to revisit a lot of things. And I'm trying to change some of my habits so that I can be happier. And that leads me back to...

grateful. For the Gospel, for the Atonement. And for a loving Heavenly Father, and an endlessly generous and kind Savior.

I guess I needed to vent after all. Thanks for listening.

General Conference

I love General Conference. I love being able to sit and listen to prophets and apostles. I also really like how there sometimes seems to be a theme during conference. I know that the speakers are not assigned topics, they get to choose what they speak on. But it seems as if the Lord has a definite plan for what He wants us to hear.

Things just seem so clear right now. I just need to keep this feeling, implement the changes I need to make, and keep looking to the prophet to guide me. Simple.

A really good weekend. Lots of pondering to do. And I recorded the sessions, so while I'm waiting for the Ensign to come out, I can review some of the speakers, keep this feeling fresh. And I didn't take notes this time, so I think I'll watch a talk or two at a time and take notes then. Or when I get the Ensign, watch and read. Something like that.

Favorites include President Uctdorf and his expected comparison to airplanes, and the powerful message he always brings. The definite emphasis on following the prophet, especially twice quoting the same talk of Pres. Benson. And today's repeated mentions of agency and the importance of obedience.

It was a good weekend.

So, yeah.

I have no idea why I wait so long.

I don't feel good. My head is kinda stuffy. My throat hurts. I woke up this morning with that monthly feeling of despising being a girl.

I did pretty well keeping ahead of the pain by taking the appropriate medication. I went to the gym, did some cardio, lifted weights, had a good morning.

But then I forget to keep the meds going in time. Had dinner and meant to take more, but forgot until just a little bit ago. 5 hours later. So now the achiness is back, with the added bonus of the head and throat irritation.

And I do this all the time. I forget to take something to edge off the headache until I'm absolutely miserable. I don't really like to take pills. A few years ago it seemed that I was eating ibuprofen all the time, so I try not to take too much. So maybe that explains dealing with a headache, but that has nothing to do with why I wouldn't take anything for allergies or a sinus headache.

I don't really have a point. Or if I did I lost it. And I'm too tired to try to find one. But hey, I'm allowed to ramble in my own space, aren't I?

Oh, can I say I love the insurance commercial that has all the animals in it? The one with the croc floating by with the little critters on its back, the lion and the zebra taking a drink together, the animals all playing together. It makes me smile. And I think that's what it will look like in the Celestial Kingdom. Natural enemies playing together, everyone getting along, being friends. Being able to have a lion as a pet. Well, I'd rather have a panther.

On that note....

A bit of philosophy

Earlier today I was thinking about a friend of mine. And how she gets excited about things that I could really not care less about. (But to be fair, I get super excited about things that she doesn't enjoy.) And then I started thinking about how other people might see her. And that got me thinking about how people see me.

I accept that I'm slightly cynical and quite sarcastic. And I know that I entertain my friends with the snarky sarcasm. But what do people who don't know me think? And if you happen to only know me through my intermittent postings, what have those said about me?

Anyway, the point to my musings is wondering if anyone would be surprised that I really can be optimistic. I read this article this afternoon about baseball, that while isn't actually an optimistic article, it perfectly illustrates why I love baseball so much. The author is a former player and manager, and is now a baseball writer. And he talks about how anything can happen in a game. "It's not like a play or a movie where it comes out the same way every time. No one knows how it's going to come out." And that's exactly my favorite thing. Even though my team is in last place, even though August was the first time in a year that they had a winning record in a month, anything can happen when you go to the ballpark. It's always a new day, a new game, endless possibilities.

So maybe it's not a bad thing to be excited about things that other people can't understand. After all, the more places and things you find joy in, the happier you would be. Every day brings new chances, new possibilities, new opportunities.

Well, enough of that. I'm just excited that I posted what I was actually thinking about. I think of things I want to say all the time, but I just never get around to posting. So maybe the post took an hour to write this, but hey look, it's posted!

I just don't know...

I've been in a strange mood the last few days. It's kind of annoying me.

Last post, I mentioned someone who took 7 months to accept a facebook friend request. Since then I've seen a couple of times that he was online the same time I was. I hadn't done anything about that, but I noticed. So two days ago, on Monday when I was online, he noticed that I was. And he decided to say hi.

It's just strange. He didn't mention any kind of detail, like his wife or his child, or why it took him so long to respond or why he ignored the note I sent him 7 months ago. It kind of ticked me off, and honestly, it hurt me. You'd think it wouldn't bother me by now, but no, I can still have my feelings hurt.

It's all just so dumb, and I'm just annoyed at myself and at him. And then he says that he'd wondered how I've been. Seriously? You say this, while ignoring me all this time? Whatever.

I'm just going to take a few more days, maybe brood a little more about it, but then I'll be ok. After all, if I try to ignore this, it'll just pop back and make me more annoyed.

So that's the plan. Brush this off, because in the end, he just doesn't matter that much to me anymore.

More than seven months....

Why should it take so long to accept my facebook friend request? I'm so far past wanting him as my friend. But I'm afraid that if I delete him, I'll get stupid again and wonder how he's doing. No, I'd prolly not get that stupid again.

But seriously, seven months? What is up with that?

I have a story for you...

So funny thing. I have a friend, a guy, who I've known for years, but we don't hang out anymore. Haven't seen him for nearly a year. I occasionally see him about on Facebook. So back in May, I get a random text from a random person saying that this friend of mine gave them my number. At first I think it's a guy, as the conversation was about baseball and this friend said that we should meet, because of having baseball in common. (Which I thought was funny, but as I hardly ever meet guys who like baseball as much as I do, I was ready to be ok with this.) Anyway, I find out later that it was a girl that was texting me. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of friends who are girls who like to go to ballgames, and girls are allowed to like sports, but really, I don't need more girlfriends who like baseball. So I left the guy a message to that effect. Because the whole thing amused me. To my knowledge, he'd never given out my number before, for any reason, and he decided give a girl my number. So I had to talk to him about it, cause really, it's funny.

(Btw, the above story is not the main point of this post, but the background of the point. Which I will eventually get to.)

So I leave a message, he calls back, we chat, catch up somewhat, and talk for nearly 20 minutes. Nice conversation, and then it's over and that was it. (I did see his online conversation with a friend about how he moved, and is now a lot closer to my part of town (don't put things on public facebook, unless you want all your friends to know about it.) which I was interested in, since that meant I might see him at activities (if I bothered to go).) I figured that it'd be awhile until I heard from him again, unless we bumped into each other.

Then comes yesterday. (Wednesday, to be precise.) I got a text message from the guy, inviting me to this scripture class he was going to. Ok, that was unexpected. A few texts back and forth, and he ;) at me at least 6 times. So I guess we're flirting? He invited me to some activity in a couple of days. Then I made a comment about him moving, and he pointed out that he's now closer to me. So maybe I will see him sometime.

So it's just funny. I mean, yeah, I liked him at one point (as did most of my friends at one time or another), and yeah, I'd go out with him if he asked, but I don't expect that. So it's just a little odd to be flirting via text.

I guess I just need to tell the story, because if I bring up this guy to my mom, she'll tell me that I need to go out with him. (My parents know his parents, and they (my parents) totally like his family, and they would not mind at all if I married this guy.) So now I'm thinking about him again, and it's just strange.

Anyway, that was the story. In other news, my car's a/c went out again, I took a little trip to Prescott to get my car up and over 200,000 miles, and I went to IKEA and now have a really nice tv stand (Yay, my tv is off the floor!). Pictures maybe eventually.

Oh, and the guy in this story is totally different from the other guy I've most recently talked about. But my readers are all so smart, I prolly didn't need to clarify.

Birthday, gifts, and buying stuff.

So I got my money. It's so nice to have money and not have to check my balance every day. I've already spent a little bit of it. I did take my family out to dinner. And got new jeans from Old Navy. A little trip to Mesa today got me some new g's and a couple of cds. I also got all caught up on my tithing.

But my biggest purchase so far was to sign up with a personal trainer. I am so happy to have someone to help me workout. I've been going to the gym, but I've been having trouble motivating myself to lift a lot. But now I have a reason to lift and work. Cause she's gonna make work, and so I have to work.

I still have plenty of money, but I'm doing my best from now on to forget it's there. I still want a new phone and contacts and other things, but I'm going to wait a few weeks before I get the next big thing.

Well, and my birthday is coming up, so I'm going to wait until after that to pick up a video game or two.

Speaking of my birthday, my mom gave me four things to pick from: an ipod nano, a camera, money, or a gift card to Kohl's. I do not know what I'm going to pick.

And then there's been discussion about trading my car in and getting something newer and bigger. That is a hard thought. I'm not quite ready to let my baby go. And I just need 1,500 miles to get to 200,000 miles. But a long road trip is out of the question, so I just might have to ride around for a few days, do nothing but drive around town.

So I've got a lot to think about.

A shopping list

So... I am thinking about going shopping. I'm getting a rather sizable tax refund this year, so I have been having the most fun thinking about what all I could get.

I could put it all into getting my car all fixed. I could actually get the a/c fixed. I mean, it's been a couple few years since it worked, and now that my sister's kids ride in my car, I feel bad for them.

Or...

new jeans
new shoes
new skirts and clothes for church
new clothes for work (if I ever get a job again)
a new phone
a camera
more quilting fabric
LEGO Indiana Jones 2
LEGO Harry Potter
the entire run of Scrubs
contacts (it took me this long to remember that!)
a haircut
find all those movies online that I just can't find in the store
books
music

hmmm, what have I left out?

a new Diamondbacks jersey
other baseball souveniers, like shirts from other teams i like
another wii remote

or...
i could save it for a little while and enjoy the thrill of looking at my bank account with such a big amount of money in it.

or...
I could hold on to it and take one of my nieces to Disneyland. She's already suggested that she and I go.

or...
I could spend money on my family, take them out to dinner, buy things for the nieces and nephews.

or...
I could take a trip. Fly back east and see people. Drive to Utah and visit family. Drive to the beach and just sit and watch the ocean for a couple of days.

What fun things would you guys buy and/or do if you could?

I'm not really a stalker...

There's this guy. Well, I've talked about him before, but it doesn't matter, because I don't see him anymore. But I still think about him.

I mean it, I'm not a stalker.

I could be one. After all, I know where he lives. But he invited me over once. I found out that he actually lives within my current ward boundaries, which is just funny. But I resisted driving by the other day when I was right next to his neighborhood.

I know where he works, but he told me that. Well, no, just the district, and then I looked him up. But I don't go and look him up all the time.

And, ok, I know the names and ages of his children, but again, he told me that.

I did find him on Facebook, and I do occasionally check to see if he posts anything. But I don't call, I don't send messages.

I seriously need someone new to focus on so I can stop thinking about this guy.

'Cause I really don't want to become a stalker.

A whole year

Just over a year ago, I got laid off from my job. And I'm not ashamed to say that this has been the best year ever.

Granted, having to give up my apartment and not being able to find a job have been rough, but it's still been great. I've gotten to know my younger sister's kids a lot better. Especially moving in with them. My nephew Camden is still so happy to see me come down the stairs. This morning I heard him looking for me. He's even started to come to me for comfort every once in a while. Deanna, the youngest, likes to come find me, too. If she knows I'm upstairs, she'll come and find me and try to open the door. Kendra started school last fall, and I was even able to drive her to school for her first day. Good times.

I've gotten into quilting again. I have one top done, one in progress, and enough fabric for 4 more quilts and a bag. I've bought books, a frame, and mom bought me a sewing machine. Well, it's hers, but it's for me to use. And we rearranged her whole craft room to be basically a sewing room. It's so rewarding to see something come together, and know that it's all my own work, mistakes and all.

So even though it's been really hard not having a full paycheck, I've been loving this time. I've been living with my sister for nearly two months now. I think I've finally gotten used to it. And we started going to the gym in the morning. And having someone motivated to go and getting me to go has been great.

I don't know what's going to happen next, jobwise, but I'm going to keep on enjoying what I have.

Reflections in the moonlight

I stood waiting for puppy to do his business. (I'll be so glad when we don't have to go outside with him.) And with nothing better to do, I looked up at the sky.

The moon was rising over the neighbor's house. Usually when I look up at the night sky, I (as I told you a few months ago) think about who else might be looking at the same sky. At first I thought about a guy, but then I thought about you, my invisible internet friends. (That is, if any of you still bother to check up on me. (If you are reading this, I'm so very glad.))

And I thought about how long it had been since I had blogged. Or even checked on my friends' blogs. And I miss writing. I'm not that good a writer, but it's so nice to get things out.

I had written a bunch of letters to a guy. And it's not like he's going to see it. (Unless he decides that he wants to be with me, and then in that case, I'd consider showing him. But it's highly unlikely he'll ever see it.) But writing out my feelings and everything really helped me get over him. And not only that, but it helped clear my head on other topics. And that's also what this blogging thing does for me. And although I wish I was witty and funny, and had all these interesting conversations in the comments (like some other blogs I have read), I'm content to be myself.

The only problem is getting myself to take the time to write. I might just have to keep going outside and looking at the sky in order to remind myself that I want to write and blog. So I might be opening every entry with "So I was looking at the moon..."

Disappointments and Regrets; Hopes and Dreams

You remember that movie with the mice? An American Tail? Everytime I look up at the night sky, that silly song runs through my head. And I wonder about things. Ok, mostly I think about guys.

But still, I wonder….
Have I met him yet?
Does he remember me?
When will we meet?
Will I see him again?
Is he looking up at the same sky I am?
Who is he and when will I know?
How long do I have to wait?

I mostly try not to think too much on the last one.

I do a lot of thinking in the car. I also do a lot of praying while I’m driving. Deep thoughts and contemplation. And today I was thinking about this past year. And thinking about the coming new year.

We really don’t need to rehash the bad things about the year. Because, for one thing, no point in talking about it, and secondly, I’ve already talked about it a little bit here on my blog. And third, it’ll just bring down the hopeful vibe I’m feeling this New Year’s. (You might notice that this is a slightly more cheerful post than the last one. Things are better, but there should still be a girls’ night sometime in January. But this post has only a little to do with the last.)

I’m moving at the end of January. Again. This time I’m moving in with my sister and her family. And I’ll spend time at my parents’ house, too. And I’m excited about being with my sister’s family. Spending more time with her kids. (Not having to pay rent is pretty awesome, too.)

But I really don’t want to move. Well, I don’t mind the idea of moving, but I was really hoping that the next time I moved I would be moving into my own place.

So my Hopes and Dreams for 2010:
Get a job I like. (Very, VERY important)
Get my own place.
Complete the quilting projects I’ve started.
Save money.
Be able to look up at the moon next New Year’s Eve, holding someone’s hand.

So these are more of a list of goals, but I’m not using the words ‘goal’ and ‘resolution’. I don’t want to be too ambitious about things, so we’ll keep it a short and managable list. Well, I do have other things to accomplish, but let’s not get too personal.

But, the point is, it’s going to be a good year. And I can’t wait to see what comes.

Happy New Year!