I dunno

Ok, so I'm unemployed. I've really been enjoying this time off. I've even been productive, most days. Some days. Whatever.

My dad wants me to send him my resume so he can submit it to whoever for a job opening. So I go and take a look at it. (Honestly, I had to go write it.) And I just don't want to. I just don't want to go back to work. More importantly, I do not want to go back into an office. I haven't figured out what I want to do, and I need to get on that. But the idea of going back into an office and sitting at a desk all day makes me want to cry.

I just don't know what I'm going to do about it. Well, I better finish the resume and send it off and just see what happens.

Rehearsals, singing, and crankiness.

So we’ve had our fourth rehearsal for the Messiah. I invariably am cranky afterwards. I think that I’ve figured out a couple of the reasons for this.

I sit alone in the Soprano section. All the other people that I know well are in other sections. All the people who enjoy my snarky sarcastic humor are sitting far away. So when I have something to say that makes me laugh, or would make my friends laugh, it must go unsaid because I don’t amuse my neighbors. So all those comments must be kept inside, and builds up the tension.

Inner tension and outward irritability also arises from that music snob that I am. Or the wannabe conductor that I can be. Or just the restless singer that wants to just get on with the rehearsal. Eh, who am I kidding? All three of those parts of me combine during rehearsal. Music snob doesn’t really get involved, since I like what I’m singing. Restless singer and wannabe conductor kind of feed off each other. The singer just wants the rehearsal to proceed smoothly so that we can cover as much ground as possible. The conductor wants to take over the rehearsal and do it all her own way. Whenever the singer starts to get agitated about the rampant lack of discipline, conductor wants to be able to stand up and take control. These conflicting personalities can’t actually do anything about the situation, so by the end of rehearsal, you can imagine how frustrated and restless I might get.

Now that I’ve realized the factors to the crankiness, perhaps I’ll be able to not take it out on other people.

Oh, and I have a whole lot of music that I have to learn or take care of in the next month. There is a lot of stress that I all of a sudden feel.

1. Learn the eleven Messiah choruses.
2. Learn the six Soprano solos (I'm the understudy).
3. Sing in a trio for a favor - a song I'd never heard before, have only sung once, and had no input in the choice. (I'm a little more resentful about this one. I just need to get over it.)
4. Plan the Sacrament Christmas program. (Which actually deserves it's own bulleted list.) Musical numbers, congregational songs, and choir numbers. They don't have to be linked like I've done in the past, but I still need to fill about 30 minutes of time. And I have to direct the choir. Well, I could see if I could get Pierce to do one of the choir numbers. Hmmm.
5. Plan the music for the stake YSA fireside. I guess since the new branch is being organized, they're taking whoever is left in the stake callings that take care of that. So I need to get three musical numbers, the opening and closing music, and the chorister and the pianist.

So lots of fun for me.